Producer, Rick Ratings: "Ready on one....three, two, one and... roll opening."
Announcer, Dave Deep Voice: "Live! Local! Late breaking! Bear News Channel is on now!"
Anchor, Sally Superstar: "Thanks for joining us. I'm Sally Superstar."
Co-Anchor, Harry Handsome: "And, I'm Harry Handsome."
Sally: "You've heard this a lot lately but scientist are saying that they've never seen anything like it before. A string of hurricanes are lined up in the Atlantic like sharpshooters on a firing squad. Four storms are now taking aim at the Gulf and Atlantic coasts of the United States. We turn now to Broadcast Meteorologist Tina Tornado for the latest on the weather phenomenon."
Tina: "That's right, Sally. Meteorologists at the National Weather Service and the National Hurricane Center are on high alert. All vacations and leaves are suspended. The President issued an "all hands on deck" order to the National Guard, FEMA, even the CIA and FBI. The Red Cross has team members mobilizing and awaiting exact locations where the storms will hit. All because of this..."
Rick: "Cue satellite image."
Tina: "If I didn't see it for myself, I wouldn't believe it. What every meteorologist would tell you is scientifically impossible is now happening.
Two of the storms are forecast to hit the Gulf Coast tomorrow. The first, Abaddon, is an F4 on the Fujita Scale. Expected to hit Florida's Panhandle just after nightfall. The second, Ba'al - yeah, I'd say those folks at the hurricane naming office were in an interesting mood the day they finalized this list - is expected to hit Texas. We don't yet know the exact point of landfall but likely to be somewhere near Corpus Christi. Ba'al is an F5.
Hurricane Cain, a little wobbly, could either head up the coast or across the Florida keys, is an F4. And last, Dagon, an F 2. Conditions are not right for Dagon to strengthen but at this point we aren't sure if that means anything. All of the storms are acting in a way that we've never seen before. Long established meteorological paradigms are being blown out of the water. Hold on to your hats folks. This is going to be one wild ride. Back to you, Sally and Harry."
Harry: "Stay with us on BNC. We'll be back after the break."
Rick: "Cue Commercial and get my wife and son on the phone."
Commercial: "HAPPY LAND Corporation is celebrating the grand opening of its new theme park for adults in Las Vegas..."
Sally: "You know Harry, this is getting scary. How many times in one week can I say to our viewers, 'We've never seen anything like it before?' What in the world is happening?"
Harry: "It's gotta be global warming."
Tina: "Global warming is causing earthquakes and political unrest, Harry? Right, I guess it caused that nasty new strain of E-coli too?"
Sally: "Well, something's causing it. It can't go on like this forever, can it?"
Rick: "Breaking News...Harry , take the lead. Ready on one...three, two, one. Cue Harry."
Harry: "We have breaking news folks! The tensions in the Middle East have taken a dramatic turn for the worse. Several Arab countries and Russia, their long standing ally, are poised to attack Israel. We turn now to our reporter on the scene...Jeremiah, what can you tell us?"
Jeremiah: "I'm here on holiday, Harry, not assignment. But, I've found myself in the center of the world, as it would seem. All eyes are on this sliver of land called Israel and few believe she will survive if the coalition should decide to move forward with what appears would be an all out assault. No one has yet pledged to come to Israel's aide, should that occur. The White House is refusing to comment."
I'm standing on the banks of the Sea of Galilee ------."
Sally: "Jeremiah? Jeremiah?! What was that flash?! We seem to have suddenly lost contact with our reporter on the ground. We'll take a short break and see if we can't get him back on line with us."
Rick: "Cue commercial."
Commercial: "They say, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas..."
Tina: "I think I know what's happening here guys. My Grandma Simmons used to take me to church when I was little. I stopped going when my Grandma died but her preacher used to tell us stories of things like this that would happen at the end before Jesus returns. What if they're not just stories? What if it's true?"
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