The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 430 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/20/11
I liked both parts of the story - but I did feel like they were two separate stories. I loved the visual of the lone airplane veering off into the sunset. Very potent picture.
05/20/11
I agree with Donna, I really liked both stories but the connection between them did not seem significant enough to use both to make the point here. The first one seemed more a story of reckless use of insecticides. The second one more a story of remembering and honoring our military heroes. I thought both terrific stand alone stories but laced together seemed to add more confusion than vision.
05/21/11
The two parts really worked well to me. The faithfulness of the gander was reflected in the mother and it's obvious from her comment on near the end, when she asks Colby if he means the goose. This was one of those stories that continues to impact me long after I read it and continue to think about it. The two images - of the goose and the jet falling out of formation - are going to stick with me for a while. You did an excellent job of evoking emotion in me as I read it. Thanks very much for writing it.
You captured my heart with this one. I loved the innocence of the little boy whose first time memory of cotton candy would linger past the sticky remnants on his lips.
I really liked your comparisons and the dialogue and pictures you painted through your words were beautiful.
Using the V-formation pattern and the response of the male geese to his beloved mate touched my heart-"The gander that returned was the mate of the goose that collapsed. They had been together for over twenty five years."
The formation of jets that followed the "Missing Man" symbolized the dedication of these pilots. As the lone jet "dropped out of the formation, climbing almost straight up before veering toward the red ball of the sinking sun" it really spoke to me.
Your message reminded me that when others "drop out" because of death or circumstance it is our mission to be there for them, to pay tribute to them and to carry on, heading for the "Son." Well done! Thx for writing this!
05/22/11
What a beautiful, poignant, haunting tale. I admit, I am a real softie about our military! Well done! God bless!