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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Blowout (04/28/11)

TITLE: We Makes 'Em, They Breaks 'Em
By Nancy Bucca


Marvin of Deep Cauldron here,
Director, Crescent Moon,
Best lead balloon-based hover tires
To ever make you swoon.

See Ahab's whiny wine design
Imprinted in each tread,
Seared with an unclean waffle iron
Of calculating dread?

It's 'nuff to squish a tractor full
Of seeds sown on the path,
That's how we teach the masses
Our fall-short division math.

We makes 'em but they breaks 'em, and that's all I's gots to say.
As fer this here calamity, it ain't our fault, no way.

We warned them gals, "Don't tailgate
Cars that ride the narrow Way,
Or lightnin' from some broken heart
Might crack yer jars of clay."

"One atom bomb of faith," says we,
"Sown by His punctured hands,
Could send shock waves through all yer wheels,
And you won't stand a chance."

But them pert pointy hats just scoffed,
"How dare you lecture us?"
"We'll choose the height we wants to fly,
Throw YOU under the bus."

We makes 'em but they breaks 'em, and that's all I's gots to say.
'Cept how I'd likes to shoot them folks what dares HIS voice obey.

Durn Christians in their Praise Mobiles,
A-flush with rush-in' wind!
Who made them tired of focus-in'
On all the ways they's sinned?

We had 'em dead and buried
'Til they lifted high them stripes,
Jagged lines heaved 'gainst the gate
Of our offensive gripes!

Them heal-in' wounds broke through
The stumble-in' blocks of sink-in' sand
That raised our strongman's pyramid
Into a skyway grand.

We makes 'em but they breaks 'em, and that's all I's gots to say.
Okay. Fer now here's jist the facts, without no fish fillet.

First comes the sound of squeal-in' wheels,
A pop, a whoosh, a toot,
With screech-in' horns and burst-in' tires
a-splatter-in' like ripe fruit

(sorry, didn't mean to laugh, just try-in' to be cute)

Then I sees that swelling pride cloud
Tumble-in' from the sky,
The sight of them kerplunk-in' flea bags
Makes me want to cry.

(Please do excuse the chortle, Sir. I really meant to sigh)

The smell of burning latex
Makes me giddy as can be,
And when Diana's statue hubcap
Hits my head, you see...

I hear ya, there'll be hell to pay.
So - have a joke for free?

Uh... Well...

We makes 'em but they breaks 'em, and that's all I's gots to say.
No, yer Unjust. Ain't got no plans this verdict to delay.
(But for now there's only one more thing I'd like to say)

I ain't seen such a blowout
Since I hit that empty tomb.
But hey, it weren't my do-in'.
Please don't send me to my doom.

Like I said, it weren't my do-in'.
Please don't... send me... to my... doom?


Ahab's whiny wine design - a reference to King Ahab's "whiny whine" attitude (see I Kings 21:1-4)

fall-short division - refers to the spirit of division and the gap caused by falling short of God's glory (see Proverbs 6:16-19, Romans 3:23, and Romans 16:17)

pointy hats - witches

lifting high the stripes - by His stripes we are healed (see Isaiah 53:5)

gate of our offensive gripes - hell's gates which are based on offense (see Proverbs 18:19 and Matthew 16:18)

swelling pride cloud - great swelling words of puffed up pride (see Proverbs 16:18 and Jude 16)

Diana's statue hubcap - the statue some believed fell from Jupiter (see Acts 19:35)

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Member Comments
Member Date
Sarah Heywood05/07/11
Wow - what wonderful imagery! I had to read through this a couple of times, but I'm pretty sure I understand now what this was about. I really got into the vernacular of your MC, too - very appealing! Good job!
Beth LaBuff 05/09/11
There's a fiendish quality to your narrator and his end (at the end) seemed fitting and justified. :) Your style and skill make this shine. I love all your Biblical allusions, from "seeds sown on the path" to the references of the cross.