The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 421 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/02/11
Interesting.
This is packed full of descriptions, but almost too many. They make the reader stumble over the flow of the words. I suggest more action and dialogue to break up the details a bit.
I like the character of Tukima, but I wasn't sure of the time of the setting.
This has lots of potential.
05/04/11
Good descriptions from a foreigner's POV (I presume). A story of hope. Thank you.