Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Outstanding (04/21/11)
TITLE: The Sudden Demise of Humpty Dumpty
By Lisa Fowler
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What I’m a gonna tell ya now ain’t no yarn. I seed it with my own eyes - all six of em. (had my bi - focals on I did!) Sit yerself down; take a load off an git an earful. Hold on - cause here we go.
They’s this high rock wall out back of ol man MacGreedies farm. Well, I knowed fer a long time ol MacGreedies’ got sumpin goin on behind it, I just couldn’t prove it.
First I thunk he might be a bootleggin. Then I says, naw- that ain’t it. Next I thunk it might be prostit… prostitut… aw shucks, I can’t even brang myself to say dat. Anyhow, I knowed it ain’t so. Last I thunk to myself, he’s got sum yung thang behind that wall. But, ain’t even no yung thang dat dumb or dat blind. So, only thang left fer me ta do is sneak over thare an spy on ol man MacGreedie.
But, whilst I was out - standin in the field a’waitin fer dat moon to rise, I seen it. Not jes part neither. I seen it all. Ol’ man MacGreedie commenced a settin eggs - a lot of em - right on top o that big ol rock wall. Then I heared him holler: “SIT THERE AN DON’T ‘CHA MOVE, NOT NARE AN INCH, NOT NUN A’ YA!”
All of a sudden I seed this big ol buzzard commin in low an circling. I commenced at duckin an runnin cause honey, ‘dat bird was doin time! He swooped in an picked up ‘em eggs - one by one an kerried ‘um off in his big ol beek. Ol man MacGreedie’s a screamin an a swattin an jumpin up an down; pitchin a fit the likes of ain’t been seen round these parts in a hundred years. Afore I knowed it, thay wan’t but one of em eggs left atop that rock wall.
Next, I hered ol man MacGreedie a cryin an a moanin an a whallin. Well sir, he musta’ been a’ leanin on dat ol wall an a shakin it like a earthquake when he sobbed, cause next thang I knowed, that last egg fell off ‘n dat wall and busted into a million pieces. (Bet ya thank that’s the end o’ my story don’ cha? Well, it ain’t! You ain’t heared nuttin yet.)
That ol moons a’ hangin high now and I ain’t out - standin’ no more, I’m out - hidin behind that hundred year ol oak in da field. But lucky fer me, dat ol oak’s close enuf fer me to see that egg, splatted flatter ‘n my wifes Sund’y pancakes all over the dirt. Then, I seed the craziest thang of all.
Thay’s these men; soldier men - hundreds of em, all dressed in uniforms, come riddin over tha hill on teeny - weeny white horses. Them men gathered all round that egg an commenced ta pullin tiny little hammers, an tiny little tubes a glue out their pockets. They worked over and around and through that egg fer nigh close to better part ‘o the night.
All of a sudden, I heared one of em, from deep inside the middle o’ the pack yell: “Ain’t no hope! Humpty Dumpty’s gone! We’s the king’s men an even we can’t git him back together.” Den, the whole lot of em; king’s men, horses, an specially ol man MacGreedie went to wailin an screamin an hoopin an a hollerin. From high on the hill, where dem men first comed from, there come a sound like a trumpet playin taps and cannon’s firin, one by one, till seven of em done blowed off.
Know what I done next? I runned! Fast as I kood, I runned back ta my house an kevered up my head. I didn’t git out my bed fer three days neither. Wife said I had a fever an was a’ talkin out my head but I knowed the truth. Dat’s really how it happened; how humpty dumpty falled off dat wall an how dem men gived up on him. And, it happened on a count of I was out - standin in my field ‘a waitin fer da moon to git high up in da sky so’s I could spy on ol man MacGreedie. Ha! I lernt my lesson. No more spyin. From now on, I’m gonna mind my own bees - wax!
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