I hate seeing her. Every morning she hits me with the same abuse. I try to ignore her but she is always in my face, every morning. I can even feel her when she is coming. Oh Lord, help me, she’s coming now!
“You worthless piece of you-know-what! You think you’re something. Just look at you! Why I know everything about you. Yes, I remember that night and what happened. It was your fault, all your fault. How could you?! People think you are so outstanding but I see right through you!”
Why God? Why everyday, sometimes all day. I can’t get away from her. I wish she would leave me alone.
“Ha, I think you’re praying to your god again. You thought he helped you once but look at you. You’re still the same; you’ve not changed at all. Who would want you? You pathetic little thing, you’re good for nothing. Nothing! You hear me!”
I can’t take this any more. Why don’t I fight back? Why am I so weak?
“You make me sick. You are nothing to look at and you are nothing inside either. Nothing!”
I am good on the inside. I think. No, I know I am. God make me new. I know He did it. He told me so.
I must to say something, “T-t-the L-l-l-o-r-r-d, H-h-e m-m-m-a-d-e m-m-m-e c-cl-cl-e-a-n.”
“Oh, h-h-e m-m-m-a-d-e y-y-y-o-u cl-cl-e-a-n. Did he really? You dirty little…”
She even mocks my speech. Lord, please help me. I close my eyes hoping she would disappear. Lord, you made me clean inside. Please let me live like that.
I open my eyes to find she is gone, at least for now. My old self visits me often but God is greater than her.
“Thank you, Lord, for making me new. I am so thankful my old nature is dead, please help me bury it. Halleluiah, Father, I praise Your Holy Name! Father, may I say You are Outstanding!”
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