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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Outstanding (04/21/11)

TITLE: Evan & Co.
By Troy Manning
04/25/11


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Evan affirmed Donna as outstanding then left for work. His work was hard. He thought much and long. He affirmed his secretary as outstanding and headed home.

Donna fixed him a fine meal. “It is Valentine’s Day!” she said. Evan believed her and later bought her a pricey gift. Donna was appreciative but felt he had been extravagant.

Evan’s secretary told him it was the fifth anniversary of his hiring her at his firm. “Congratulations!” he said. The following year he bought her flowers. “Thank you!” she said.

Evan’s friend said it was his birthday. “Happy Birthday!” Evan said. Evan paid for the golf that day and introduced his friend to his secretary. “Happy Birthday!” she said.

Evan, Jr. was crying. “Why do you cry, Son?” Evan asked. “I cry because I am upset,” Evan, Jr. said. “Why are you upset, Son?” “I am upset because I want a brother.”

Evan affirmed Donna as outstanding and went to work the next day and the day after that. He was not very much in thought on the first day and he did not affirm his secretary as outstanding and on the second day she quit.

On the third day, Evan affirmed Donna as outstanding and went to the home of his former secretary to affirm her too. Evan’s brother answered the door and he looked upset. “Why do you cry, Brother?” “I cry because your former secretary left me.” “Why did she leave you, Brother?” Evan asked. “Because yesterday was her birthday and I forgot.” “She was at work yesterday and she never told me it was her birthday,” Evan said. “Are you sure it was her birthday?” he continued. “Why else would she leave like that?” Evan’s brother asked. “Perhaps it was you anniversary,” Evan said. “Perhaps,” Evan’s brother said.

Evan and his brother went to look for Evan’s former secretary. They found her working at an office. “Why did you leave us?” they asked. “I left because we are poor,” she said, starting to cry. “Why do you cry?” Evan’s brother asked. “I cry because I am upset,” said Evan’s former secretary. “Why are you upset?” Evan asked. “I am upset because I am going to have a baby.” “Congratulations!” Evan’s brother said to him. “Perhaps I could you a raise,” Evan said to his former secretary.

Evan returned home to affirm Donna as outstanding before telling her the news. Donna was not home and Evan, Jr. was crying. “Why do you cry, Son?” “I cry because I am upset.” “Why are you upset, Son?” “I am upset because Mother left me.” “Why did she leave you, Son?” “She left me because she is not my mother.” “Is that what she said to you, Son?” “Is it true that your former secretary is my mother?” “That is true, Son.” “Is it true that your brother is my father?”

Evan and Evan, Jr. went to look for Donna. They found her living at a house. “Why did you leave us, Wife?” Evan asked. “I left because you are not my husband.” “Is that what you said to her, Son?” Evan asked. Evan, Jr. began to cry. “Why do you cry, my Son?” “I cry because I am upset.” “Why are you upset, Son?” “Why do you call me Son, Uncle Evan?” “I call you Son because I have raised you as my own.”

Donna began to cry. “Why do you cry, Wife?” “I cry because I am upset.” “Why are you upset, Wife?” “Why do you call me Wife, Evan?” “I call you Wife because I have lived with you as my own.” Donna continued to cry. “Why do you cry, Wife?” “I cry because I am upset.” “Will you marry me?” Evan’s wife continued to cry. “Why do you cry, Wife?” “I cry because I am happy.”

Evan, Jr. began to cry. “Why do you cry, Son?” “I cry because I am upset.” “Why are you upset, Son?” “Will my brother live with us?” Evan, Jr. asked. Donna looked at Evan and then at Evan, Jr. “Perhaps, Son,” she said. “Outstanding!” Evan, Jr. affirmed.


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This article has been read 213 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Phee Paradise 04/30/11
I'm really confused. I like the style; it reminds me of a fable. But I didn't understand the end at all.
Sunny Loomis 05/03/11
A little too much repeating of phrases. Interesting story. Thank you.
Noel Mitaxa 05/03/11
An interesting and lively story that hides its simple strength of repetition in its setting out.
The dialogue is fairy-tale, or Dr Seuss-type stuff, but the rule for clarity is to begin a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. This helps to keep readers abreast of the interaction.