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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Outstanding (04/21/11)

TITLE: Pacific Ocean at Dusk
By Sydney Avey
04/25/11


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A gypsy lives within my soul
the only time we feel we’re whole
the only time we feel like me
is when we’re standing by the sea
where foamy tides work their allure
like an elixir – then I demur
and leave my home
and take her hand
and walk with her
across the sand.

We feel the surf drum ancient themes
I have only felt in dreams
I gaze into that siren’s maw
and sway in rhythm with the raw
timbre of her husky breath
that sea weeds hearts toward welcome death
my eyes drink in
the mystic potion
the endless gray
pacific ocean.

The gypsy wanders down the shore
out the boardwalk, past a door
that beckons her, come in! take part!
dance with us! but she’s lost heart
she knows that she would rather be
here, out standing by the sea
where rhyme and reason
intertwine
on floating kelp
in salty brine.


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This article has been read 359 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Leola Ogle 04/28/11
Beautifully written! Thanks for sharing! You have great talent! God bless!
Joe Moreland05/03/11
I am not a poet, by any stretch, and I'm definitely not qualified to criticque someone else's poetry and so I am usually reluctant to comment on the ones I come across in the challenge. However, this one drew me in. I don't really know why I enjoyed it, but I did. It seemed a whimsical parody, but flowed as beautifully as any serious minded poem I've ever read.
I don't think I'm making much sense, so let's just leave it at "I like it" a lot, I'm just not smart enough to tell you why. :)
Noel Mitaxa 05/03/11
I like it too, and I don't know why either. It just gets a grip. Well done.
Cheryl von Drehle 05/04/11
This draws me in (immediately with the first word!) and I want to go stare at the ocean. Very provocative and dreamy...I love the images, the word choices and the meter is intriguing
Patricia Protzman05/05/11
Congratulations on your highly commended award.
Noel Mitaxa 05/05/11
Congratulations on your ranking, you obviously affected the judge as well - for positive reasons.