The Official Writing Challenge
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10/17/05
I love how you've named all the players to make this story new and intriguing. Great job!
10/17/05
An excellent retelling of the event in Bible history! Has the flavor of the Narnia tales!
Lewis and Tolkien would be very proud of you! Great read! Enjoyed it a lot!
10/20/05
Ditto, ditto, and ditto! Befitting title to a great take on on a pivoting point for the Israelites.
10/20/05
Historical Biblical Fantasy! Very cool concept to reach out to a specific audience with the principles and stories of the Word of God. Well done!
10/20/05
I like Karen's new genre: historical biblical fantasy! That's exacly what this read like. Very intriguing and excellent, creative writing, as always.
Blessings, Lynda
Great take on the story!! Loved it!!
10/20/05
I like your twist on the story of the twelve spies. Very well written!
10/20/05
Well done. A good mix of fantasy and the biblical story. I enjoyed this one a lot.
10/21/05
Magnificent!

If I can make the one and only suggestion possible......

Take the comma out after 'shoulder'in the sentence, "He felt his Commander’s hand clasp his shoulder, as a cohort of Rephain...." I thought it was defining who they were, not a pause. Soon figured it out, went back and realized what I dodo I'd been.

Beautiful - really magnificent.
You did a WAY better job than I ever could (tried back in the sightseeing challenge) Great job, very descriptive!
J.C. you wrote this in a style that makes an old story fresh and appealing to a generation who may have glossed over the original. Great concept. I would love to see you write a series of old testament stories retold in this style. Teens (and many adults, too) would love it.
10/21/05
Excellent. I am not really into fantasy and was about to skip on to the next article - but then, I thought I recognised the story. Well done!