The Official Writing Challenge
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04/15/11
This is a sweet, feel good story. Your characters are great, but at the beginning I was a little confused and your introduction to the kids was a little abrupt. But the end made up for it and I loved the line about the diaper.
04/15/11
Your opening sentence hooked me. The dialogue was realistic and credible. I.too, loved the diaper line and fell in love with the last line which helped to remove my question about the title.

There's a message here...God always provides for our needs. Thanks for the reminder.
This is a sweet story, you had me brushing termites off my arms thankfully it was because of your great details. God does work miracles out of bad times and often we find ourselves more blessed because of the problem. And I totally fell in love with the little guy!
04/16/11
Great story, very realistic and a welcome reminder that God is always with us, even when He seems far away.
04/16/11
Awesome story. Your characters and dialog feel really vivid and true to life. The moment where the kids appear is the only rough place; it would have helped if you showed us the action that caused the interruption, rather than just the verbal response from their mom. Without knowing the kids are there, her words at first look like a strange non sequitur, and there's a moment of confusion for the reader; if you show us the kids first, even just briefly, then her dialog is perfectly natural.

Other than that, really good work here, I enjoyed the story a lot!
04/16/11
Mr. Hooy! That's awesome! Fun story and great details!
Fun story and well told. Make me think, do you think God made those pesky termites just so acts of kindness like this can be shown? Maybe Brent was onto something there. Good job.
04/19/11
Really touched my heart because my grandson is in Afghanistan until August, and his wife just returned from there a few weeks ago after being gone for 8 months. Now she is facing car repairs, the loss of her babysitter, plus adjusting to life back at home with her little ones. She has been shedding some tears like your MC. Well done! God bless!
04/21/11
Thanks for the opportunity to walk around the story with your characters and feel their emotions. Very descriptive slice of big-time trauma with little time to fix it. Should rate well.
Congratulations for placing 7th in level three!