I sob as I peer out the window and see a pair of Carolina Wrens joyfully building a nest in the winter wreath on my front door. Choosing just the right twigs, they flit back and forth tirelessly to make their home.
I, too, have tirelessly chosen just the right window treatments and furnishings to make this my home, a home now lost to me just as much as the one the Wrens will lose when I remove the wreath.
If it were in my power to leave the Wrens at peace I would. But, it's not possible for them to nest on a door that's opened often. I pray they won't be discouraged, that they will find a more secure location and thrive. I must do the same. Again.
The Bible tells me that God, the Creator of the universe, is aware of each of these feathered friends, so He must care for me as well. He must know the pain I feel from being thrust once again out into the world to find another home. My heart cries out to Him. Father, why couldn't this have been home for me? I tried so hard to make it happen.
It seems I've always sought a home. Growing up unwanted and abused, I never was at home even with a roof over my head. Home is a special place, a warm and welcome place. It has always been an elusive treasure for me, one far beyond my reach.
When I graduated from high school at sixteen my mother told me it was time for me to find my own place to live. She gave me one day's notice. Somehow, I found a small mobile home to rent on the meager salary I was receiving from my first job. It was shelter, but, it wasn't a home.
I moved a time or two, had a roommate for a while. At eighteen, I agreed to marry a much older man who offered me his home. It never was home to me though I stayed for ten years and gave it my very best effort.
Over the years I've lived in some wonderful places...and some not so nice. But, never long in one place. No matter how much I've worked and planned and chosen, no matter how much money I've spent, I've never found a home.
I was so sure this one was it. I did all the right things to make it home. It's beautiful to look at and comfortable to live in. I've had the pleasure of dinners with family and friends, decorated for Christmas and planted flowers. But, that is now lost to me.
My finances have been severely impacted by this poor economy; my retirement funds have evaporated as the morning dew in warm-midday sunshine. I even survived this with home in tact until the mortgage company went belly-up taking my equity down in its demise.
So, here I am. Once again filling moving boxes, parting with furniture, artwork, glassware and everything else non-essential. I know how my Wren family feels; someone took my wreath away as well.
Yes, I'm hurting. It's a lot to accept at my age. But, I'm not bitter.
Jesus said He was going to prepare a home for me. He said that I would be with Him forever. Now, how special is that? I may never have a real home here on earth, but I know I'll have one in Heaven. One that no one will plunder, no repairs will ever be needed and I won't need a security alarm.
The more I think about it...forget having a home here in this troubled world. A roof over my head is more than Jesus had on earth. Knowing He never had an earthly home makes me know how much importance He is placing on my Heavenly home. A home for all eternity, never to move again. I'll wait.
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