The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/20/11
Atmospheric writing with a soft, nostalgic touch. I loved the way you brought the globe into the picture to illuminate the reality of our forgiveness.
I enjoyed the way you presented this and the timeless truth it teaches. Well written with good dialog.
Oh I love this! What a wonderful way to describe how far God throws our sins. You did an excellent job with the characters and the dialog You managed to explain eternity in a way a child could understand. This is one of my favorites.
03/21/11
I love this.

I think the teacher spoke almost TOO "prim and proper" in her first paragraph. I think I would have used a few more contractions. But that is a very minor thing, and most a matter of personal taste than anything.

Great job. I loved the globe illustration.
03/22/11
I loved this story. The boy's feeling of guilt for cheating, the need for confession and finally forgiveness with consequences. It would make a great children's book.

The dialogue and globe illustration were well done. Although, I also think the teacher's first couple of sentences could use slight tweaking.
03/23/11
Loved their accents! I cracked up laughing whenever the kid mentioned "cracking his head open on the desk." :)

I noticed a few spots where a quotation mark had been left out or forgotten, but altogether it was a great story.

Clever title to fit with the great illustration you used. Well done!
Congratulations on your third place win.
03/24/11
Awesome story gets an awesome prize ... congrats on getting third place!!!
03/24/11
Congraulations on your third placing. Well done.
04/06/11
This story claimed a well deserved win. Loved Mr. Bailey and the MC's voice throughout this tender piece. I liked the 'stiffness' you gave to the teacher to contrast with your other characters. Great job.