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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Eternity (03/10/11)

TITLE: If Heaven ain't a lot like Texas
By dub W
03/16/11


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The music in the old Ford pickup combined with the inane comments of local DJ. Mary and Bob hardly noticed as they pulled up to the local ice cream store. Bob started to shut off the truck and Mary stopped him. “Wait a sec, I wanna hear this.”

The radio was broadcasting a country “oldie”, the lyrics rang through the air, “…if heaven ain’t a lot like Texas then I don’t wanna go …”

“Bob, are listening to that?”

“I’ve heard it.”

Mary turned in the seat, “And it don’t bother you none?”

Bob shut the engine off and began to get out of the truck. “Nope, it’s tongue n’ cheek, not serious.”

“You’re impossible. I’m trying to get a point across.” Mary got out of her side of the pickup.

Later that evening Bob was reading his Sunday school lesson and Mary set a tall tea on the coffee table, and then leaned over Bob’s chair. “Honey, what do you think about eternity?”

Bob lowered his book and looked directly into the deep brown eyes of his wife. He struck a serious tone and said, “I don’t.”

Mary stood up quickly and flicked her dishtowel at him. “Robert, I’m telling Pastor Jeff on you.”

“And, what might you say to Jeff?”

Mary giggled. “I’ll tell him you’re not going to die, just stay in Texas.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Eternity.”

“Oh.”

“Bob.” Mary whined trying to get his attention.

Bob put a twist-tie in the Sunday school lesson text to mark his place, closed the book and placed it on the table while simultaneously picking up the iced tea. “Okay, eternity to me is,” he took a sip, set the glass down, then picked up his Bible. He flipped the pages to the back. “Lets see if this concordance has a good answer for me. Hmmm, naw, not that one, yeah this one.” He thumbed the pages of his Bible and carefully pealed back a page. “Here it is. Jude 21, ‘Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life (Jude 21, NIV).’”

Mary’s eyes brightened. “See, you do have an opinion about Eternity.”

“I only believe that Jesus brother, Jude, knew first hand about salvation. He likely bore more close witness to Christ than any other non-apostles – and it is a warning to us to ever mindful of Christ and not be swayed by charlatans.”

“Wow, you should write that down somewhere.”

“I can’t.” Bob grinned. “It’s written right here in the side commentary.”

Mary flipped him with her towel again. “Well it sounds good.”

“It is good sweetheart. It’s the word of God. Besides.”

Mary started to walk away, then stopped. “Besides what.”

“You’re from Abilene.”

“I was born there. What’s that got to do with this?”

“Well, if heaven doesn’t have pretty women like they do in Abilene, I don’t wanna go. Well you’re my angel from heaven, and you’re from Abilene, so I don’t have any reason to not want to go.” He laughed.

“Your logic is beyond me, I’ll stick with Jude.”

“Pop me some popcorn.”

“I bet they say ‘please” in heaven.”

“Please, pop me some corn.”

“Took long enough.”

Bob winked, “an eternity?”


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This article has been read 404 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dolores Stohler03/18/11
I liked your story and the dialogue was good. A good twist on the subject too.
Rachel Phelps03/19/11
As a native Texan, I have to admit I've entertained thought similar to that song. :) Really fun characters!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/19/11
The banter between this perfect couple was a delight to read. I could picture the scene in my mind easily. Although I may have it heard it before, I don't remember knowing that Jude was Jesus' brother. It makes me want to reread the book with fresh eyes.
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/20/11
I enjoyed the humor in your story through the realistic dialog... and while I've been to Texas and I like the tune to the song, I've an idea heaven isn't going to be much like Texas at all.
Virgil Youngblood 03/20/11
Living a good stone's throw from Abilene, I identify with the truth you've written. Preach on, Brother.
Noel Mitaxa 03/20/11
Good fun dialogue between your characters, and a very descriptive account. Enough humour to maintain interest. Light nostalgic touch that 'Texas' all back to the good old days...
Laury Hubrich 03/22/11
Haha! Cute story:)
Patricia Protzman03/22/11
Enjoyed this fun story with a believable dialogue.
Amanda Brogan03/23/11
Very fun, very cute -- loved the playful banter! It keeps the reader giggling and imparts Scriptural truth at the same time. Well done!
Allison Egley 03/25/11
I really like this. It's cute!

Since you mentioned it, I'll take a stab at the "three major errors."
1. "and it is a warning to us to ever mindful of Christ..." is missing the word "be" between "to" and "ever."
2. “I bet they say ‘please” in heaven.” It should be single quotes after "please"
3. "Bob winked, “an eternity?”" The "a" in "an" should be capitalized.

I really did like this, overall. It's very fun, and creative.