The Official Writing Challenge
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10/10/05
I love how you wrapped up by echoing the first paragraph. I was a little confused at first, though - perhaps an extra space after your first paragraph would clarify the switch in point of view.
10/10/05
Interesting piece. We all need to be forgiven and renewed from time to time.
10/10/05
ooh. This is good. "He" is the temptation to take the pills and escape to the comfort of bed, rather than facing life, right? Or something like that? It made me think. I'm still thinking. Good stuff, well written.
Facinating story. I agree, it made me think. :-)
10/11/05
"Red. A fluttering of red. Like confetti or a late spring rain..." coming full circle on another rung of the spiral. I do like the imagery with which your story is parenthasized.
Very descriptive. I enjoyed this! Thank you for sharing!
I liked this very much. Good tight writing with impact. Interesting, repeating the first paragraph at the end to complete her attitude change. It finished the piece very well. Almost like a poem. Very well done.
Deep, thought-provoking stuff. Loved the repetitive opening and ending!
Thought provoking, descriptive and a very compassionate portrayal of the young woman. Really loved the repeated 1st paragraph at the end. Satisfying read. God bless.
10/13/05
Very good! But I'm not sure you needed the last sentence; I think just repeating the first paragraph conveys your message of renewal. That's just a little picked nit, though. This is great story.
Yes, a poignant vignette of this girl's life, physically and spiritually. Wonderful imagery!
This was so excellent! I loved everything about it. Keep up the great work...you've got a way with words.
10/14/05
I liked this writing. Addiction, the seductiveness of evil, the trap, the escape. Great!
10/15/05
A visually stimulating, and thought provoking story. I was a tad confused as to whether this was an allegory or a straightforward story. What took it out of allegory for me was the reference to 'Both sides of the bed were jumbled' and 'decadence' which were very concrete images that tend to be associated with sexual sins. Yeggy
10/15/05
I love your imagery, such as this line: "A shaft of light cut through a gap between the burgundy drapes and sliced into the carpet like a flaming arrow." I like admiring a master craftsman's work.
10/15/05
The picture of the petals falling is beautiful. I love how you weave your underlying message into this piece - especially the tears producing new buds. Please keep the last sentence. It makes the red rain even more lovely.
WOW. you have a lot of information packed into this piece! WOW. First, I loved the title. LOVE IT. Second, I loved how you enforced Christ's blood acting as redemption throughout the entire piece. Over ten referances to the color red and over eight referrances to "falling, cleansing." beautiful. What a smart piece. So much to it. Depth. I also loved how the flowers were symbolic for her own life and that when the breeze blew throughouht the room, they were lifted (direct contrast to everything else that was falling.) Her tears falling on the dry soil. New buds emerging from the pain, the brokeness. beautiful. This piece screamed new life, washing of the Spirit over tired lives. This piece was really something. I also thought that the man in the girls' apartment was symbolic for a habitual sin that she felt was pretty much killing her. Oh! And she was naked! Great work. She was vulnerble before the Lord, ready to be washed by the Spirit. Wow Maxx, quite the story.