The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/05/11
I liked this.

The flashbacks confused me a bit. At first I thought the old woman was talking about her own life, and the "I hate you" was from her husband, so it confused me when the "young lady" suddenly was graduating college. I would have made some sort of reference to her daughter earlier, without saying that the young woman running across the street was her daughter... clear as mud? ;)

Good over all, though, with some good reminders.

03/06/11
I love the feel of this piece, with your word pictures evoking all but the smells of the setting.
The reminiscences and grief are sensitively interrupted by the police officer in a credible piece of dialogue.
However, I also have failed to grasp the link between the young woman and the old lady - as to whether they are mother and daughter or grandmother and granddaughter.
03/09/11
It is so sad to see the MC on the outside looking in. The truth is that happens too often in our world.