The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/03/11
What is this fascinating pull that draws us toward blood relatives? Common in many of us I think. I did not expect that ending. I suppose the MC did not either.

This was clever: "And the bones of the skeleton began to rattle."
Okay- you've got my attention-- a topic close to my heart (it's the topic of my WIP novel ;) ).

I think it's definitely on-topic as you're showing how consuming this became for your MC, and it's not hard to believe it would- it's consumed my brain for years now.

I love the way you express the MC's emotions throughout the story. And I love the metaphors you use.

For me, the format of it is just missing something that I can't pinpoint- and that may be just me. It feels a little like a journal entry- or several journal entries. Not sure- it might also be that it's a big time period trying to fit in the confines of a short story-- I have trouble with that myself. I think if it were focused more just on that last moment,lacing in the history of it,and focusing on the intensity of that big discovery- that it would have ramped up the emotion of it.

Good work! I liked this. :)
03/04/11
Wow - what a twist! Great job stringing along the suspense and drawing the reader in. Well done!
Excellent in suspense. I'm glad you didn't leave the reader wondering. I'm glad, too, that it was fiction.--Good job of being on-topic.
03/06/11
I agree with the comments. The suspense was there all the way through and you were bang on topic. Well done.
03/06/11
I enjoyed your coverage of the research and curiosity that drove it. Nice to know that it is fictional, but it is entirely credible; not simply in the detail, but in the emotions and the light touches of humour that escort us through your emotions.
Great suspenseful writing. Had me hunting along with the MC the whole time, wondering. Not all stories have a happy ending, but a well-told story doesn't necessarily need one.
03/09/11
You had me going for a minute, I thought this story might be real.

I liked the mystery and suspense.
Congratulations for placing in the top 12 of your level and the top 30 overall!