The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/05/11
Good entry. I loved the descriptions of the morning... the alarm being from the "dark side" and "Edison's torture." It reflects my own feelings of morning. :)

I don't think you needed to explain who Connie was, or you could have said "my sister," but the parenthesis was a bit distracting. This is a very minor issue, however.

Great job with the story. I liked the ending.
03/06/11
Wow, you have really opened up the turmoil and the hopes of your MC's mind, though I'm not sure where the doorstep guest fits into the picture. But I did like the twist at the end: a prayer meeting without the expected travel. Good work!
Your descriptions make your story come alive, and your mc's thoughts make for excellent characterization. I especially like your unexpected prayer meeting.
Congratulations for placing in the top 12 of your level and the top 30 overall!