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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Once in a Blue Moon (01/06/11)

TITLE: A Shrunken World
By Debbie Roome
01/13/11


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Fear saturates my soul, a heavy weight that soaks into my resolve.

“Come on, Jackie.” Mom has her arm through mine. “It’s ten steps to the car. You can do it.”

I put my head down and try and focus on everyday things. The sound of cars riding over drain covers, the squish of bicycle wheels, the chatter of young moms in the street. I look at Mom’s arm looped through mine and notice the contrast in skin. Hers is lightly tanned while mine is chalky and pale.

“Becks, you get the door open.” Mom directs my sister as I pull back towards the house.

“I can’t do it. I don’t care about my tooth.” My voice is husky and breathless, reflecting the crushing feeling in my chest. “Please, Mom. Not today.”

Becks has the car door open and Mom pulls me towards it. “You’re going to the dentist, Jackie. Just get in the car.”

My lungs deflate like wrinkled balloons and I struggle to suck in air. It’s two years since I left the house and five years since I rode in a car.

Mom pushes me into the backseat like a criminal. “You have to get your tooth fixed and you know it can only be done at the dentist’s rooms.” She eases herself into the seat next to me while Becks slips into the driver’s seat. “Close your eyes and we’ll soon be there.”

I grip her hand, drawing strength as my heart explodes into irregular beats. Mom knows me well and her voice soothes as I hunch forward and close my eyes.

“It’ll be worth it, Jackie. The dentist will sort it out and there’ll be no more pain and worry.”

I try and focus on the motion of the car, the sun that warms my skin, birds chattering in trees, the aroma of fried onions and burgers. My heart rate lessens slightly and I run my tongue over the tooth in question. The edges are rough where the filling fell out and the gum is ulcerated and angry.

An hour later, the dental work is done and I clutch a container of antibiotics that will complete the treatment.

“You coped really well,” Mom says as we leave the dentist’s rooms. “Would you like us to take you anywhere while we’re out?”

“No. Just take me home please.” My heart ricochets as people pour around us on the sidewalk. So many faces, strange smells, strange sights. I need to be back in the safety of my house.

An hour later, I sit gazing out my kitchen window. Children walk home from school, laughter drifting as they hop and skip down the path. A delivery man parks his motorbike and takes a parcel up to one of the other townhouses. A bus stops and a couple of bony old women alight.

Unexpectedly, a pang of envy washes over me. My world has shrunk to the space inside the walls of my house. Memories of the morning overflow and I put fear aside and focus on the good parts. Fragrant roses outside the dentist’s rooms, wind blowing through my hair, pigeons squabbling on the windowsill, the gentle touch of the dental nurse as she squeezed my shoulder.

It’s comforting to be home, cocooned by the familiar, but something has changed. The thought of going out still fills me with fear, but maybe, just maybe, I won’t wait another five years.


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This article has been read 576 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sarah Heywood01/13/11
Very poignant. I wasn't sure what was up with the MC at first, thinking maybe he was afflicted with autism. But by the end I realized it was agoraphobia. This was a tender piece and I love how you gave both the reader and the MC hope for a better future by the end of it.

Great job!
Beth Muehlhausen01/15/11
HOPE! (That about says it all!)
Glynis Becker 01/16/11
Wow! Great job describing the fear that gripped her, but I love the hopeful ending.
Mariane Holbrook01/16/11
You defined agoraphobia right to a "T". But you didn't stop there, you gave the girl hope and promise and courage and faith--all the things we take for granted but others, suffering from this illness would give anything to have.
Beautifully done, my friend!
Henry Clemmons01/17/11
A sad tale. but I am glad the mc sees hope in future ventures out into the world. Many people live that life and don't even know it. Nicely done.
Kate Oliver Webb01/17/11
This is extremely well done! While I can only imagine the feelings of your agoraphobic MC, you laid it all out there and gave me an understanding I didn't have before. Thank you.
Henry Clemmons01/20/11
Congratulations, Debbie. You have one of my favorite voices I have never heard. Well done again.
Patsy Hallum01/20/11
agoraphobia is a much misunderstood condition. It is or can be, totally disabling to the person. You did a fine job of defining your MC's feelings. Kudo's on the HC.
Michael Throne01/20/11
Wow! Great Story!
Kim Hamlin01/21/11
Good job Debbie! Congratulations!