The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/23/10
A constrant string of colorful imagery created by adjectives and similes stack upon one another.
12/27/10
Lots of great imagery here with a 'Thoreau'feel to it. I enjoyed the poetic nature of this piece, and my favorite paragraph is the two-sentence one starting, "I watch that battle for light...". So much was said here!

Loved the personification of nature.

Okay, and only because of Jan's recent Challenge Writing Lesson regarding adjectives and only because I'm presently reading S.King's "On Writing" which said the same thing, I'd like to suggest a reduction of adjectives. In the Paragraph beginning, "Amoeba-like blobs of charcoal..." there are lots of adjectives and though they are all fabulous -- I love them all -- if you took out a few, it would intensify the power of the remaining words. For example, you could take out 'Amoeba-like' and 'mottled', because blobs are amoeba-like by nature, and a sky with blobs is naturally mottled,etc.

Wow, what a powerful piece. Congratulations for placing in the top l5 and the top 20 overall