I donít know when we stopped talking.
Heís always been a quiet man, happy just to go to work, come home and eat dinner, play with the dogs for a bit, then watch TV until he falls asleep on the sofa. I usually wake him at 10:00 pm to go to bed.
All the years I worked outside the home it didnít seem to matter. I had plenty of people to talk to all day, but now that Iíve been retired for a couple of years it matters more than I can say.
Iím feeling useless, purposeless and lonely. Iím afraid that God may be disappointed with me because of certain habits that Iíve never been able to break. I wonder if God is through with me or if my dreams will ever come true.
Thereís been so much on my mind lately that I thought it would be good to discuss it with my husband of 30 plus years.
Last night I tried.
He came home, sat down beside me on the sofa and said, ďHow was your day?Ē
So, I told him. It took just three minutes to spill out all the crazy thoughts and insecurities that were going through my head. I took a deep breath and waited for his response. I didnít even dare to look at him because I was embarrassed about most of what I had just said.
He remained silent. He does that sometimes when heís thinking about how to respond. I gave him time to think.
Finally, when five minutes had passed, I dared a glance sideways, afraid that I had just convinced him that I am on the edge of insanity and that he was too stunned to know what to say.
He was sleeping. Yes, Iím serious Ė he was asleep!
Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. I so desperately wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me that he loves me I wanted him to tell me that God loves me and isnít disappointed in meÖthat He still has great things ahead for me.
My husband is a good man I tell myself. Heís a quiet but caring man.
StillÖI donít know when we stopped talking.
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