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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Communication Breakdown (12/16/10)

TITLE: What's Done is Done
By Troy Manning


This was the third time today our communication broke down on the freeway. I got out of the car to fix it and after doing so to your satisfaction, we were soon on our way again.

It wasn’t long before we hit another bump in the road, but this time I thought I could roll right over it if I went slow enough. Bygones became bygones, but not for long.

We came to a fork in the valley’s tongue that bled red heather and a brown cow. You told me to take it but I just couldn’t take anymore, so once again I pulled over.

I leaned against the car and admired the well-kept grounds of a large estate. I tried to eavesdrop on the conversation between a lawn jockey and a water-spouting nymph, but it was done no sooner than it began.

When I got back in, you put your arm around me. I pushed it away but you put it back again. We did this for several miles before our children in the back finally put it to a stop.

The potty break took longer than usual and I confess that I panicked. But as people are afraid to pick up hitchhikers anymore, I was still at the roadside when you and the kids pulled up.

Since neither my sitting in the back of the car nor the silent treatment seemed to getting us anywhere, I suggested you get it in gear. This time my thumbing a ride was your idea.

The gal who picked me up in a truck was in the same boat I was. Her man went and done her wrong, then done gone and left. She was done and I was done, of that we were both done sure.

After she done all the talking for an hour or so, I done started missing you and even one of the kids. The other one sat sulking in the back after we picked him up a few miles down the road.

When you came back for the boy, I asked if I mightn’t join you. You said I mightn’t, but then relented. After I done said goodbye to the gal you asked why I was talking funny, but acted like it wasn’t funny at all.

I tried to put my arm around you but you pushed it away. I put it back again and you pushed it away again. We done that until we all needed a potty break. And we all went and forgave one another.

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This article has been read 397 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Colin Nielsen12/25/10
I don't normally comment on pieces like this, but I was completely lost in reading this. Is this kind of symbolic? I'd be interested to know what this story is about.
Joanne Sher 12/27/10
Not sure I followed this one either. Might have been easier if you'd named your characters.

You have some really good descriptions, though.
Cheryl Harrison12/29/10
This one was a little hard to follow, but this line made me giggle ...

After she done all the talking for an hour or so, I done started missing you and even one of the kids.

Sarah Heywood12/29/10
Hmmm...some good writing here. Like the others, I have to admit to feeling a bit lost. I'm still not sure if this was about an actual car ride or not. But you have some good thoughts. Keep writing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/31/10
I think this is a really deep piece. I liked your subtle sense of humor. Keep writing I think you could really take this a bit further to help clear up some if the confusion but I like what you've done thus far.