The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 569 times
Member Comments
fresh and new take on the topic of tongues from the perspective of one who was there
Such an entertaining way to learn so much Biblical history and culture.

Well-imagined and well=crafted.

Top notch - magazine quality.
I loved this story. I had no idea which Biblical direction it was heading and was truely blessed when I found out. What a great perspective to tell this story from. Great job.
Life certainly isn't always fair. That's one of the often untold lessons from the Christmas story. I liked your unusual setting.
I love Biblical fiction, and this one didn't disapoint.
Wow. I loved your take on the topic. Great descriptions.
Great story from a Biblical context. I loved the pictures you painted of Simeon.
Very good! I wanted to cry tears of rage when his precious days "wages" were scattered and stolen. Great job putting us into the person of Simeon. Loved it.
Your opening sentence does a great job of drawing the reader in.

The part about him breaking up with his fiancé because of his illness seemed a bit contemporary, but other than that you really pulled us into the ancient streets of Jerusalem.

I really like how you described the crowds. And tying it all in to Pentecost was awesome! Very good writing.

great story and i love the way you really got into the characters shoes (:-) metaphorically speaking as i guess he may have been barefoot)
Very nicely done piece of Biblical fiction!
Amanda - Thanks for pointing that out. :) I wasn't going to comment on it unless someone noticed it. Now that the hinting has started, I'll comment here. You're right - it really is too contemporary. I was way over the word the original story I explained how being engaged took on a more serious note in Biblical times...engagements were binding and needed divorcement. However, I really wanted to get more into the character of Simeon than Biblical customs so I deleted that part of the story.
I like how you have set the scene - externally and internally - with great insights into the emotions, the energy, and the adventure of the whole event.
Your ending is very strong, because it invites any reader to join the hope instead of trying to explain what the hope is. Top stuff.
A lovely and well expressed written work! I was so captivated by the story from start to the end. I like the way you brought out the MC's agony and end the story with a promise of hope. Excellent job!
Yay, Lollie! Congrats for getting Highly Commended on a great story. :) Well done!