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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Billboard/Poster/Sign (any or all) (12/02/10)

TITLE: Signs of the Times
By Donna Emery


Oh, great. Stuck in traffic again. When are they going to finish that stupid construction project? I’m tired of being stuck here at this intersection every afternoon at 5:45. Wish I was home right now, with Jenny and the kids.

It’s not even an interesting intersection. There’s nothing to look at here except that white church with the big sign. What does it say? Oh, cute:

“Seven days without church makes one weak.”

Cute pun, but hardly conclusive. That’s just what you’d expect a church to say, isn’t it? But I haven’t darkened the door of a church for twenty years, and no one can call me weak. I’m head of the sales department at the dealership and top salesman for the last five years; that’s hardly weak.

Finally. The traffic’s starting to move. Maybe I’ll get home before dinner is cold.

Well, well. What a surprise. It’s 5:45 and here I am; at the same intersection. Honestly; I could set my watch by this. What is it about this intersection? I can’t imagine people heading in droves to this exit. Nothing here, is there? All I see is that church. What’s their sign say, this time?

“Honk If You Love Jesus; Text While Driving If You Want to Meet Him”.

Well, at least that’s practical information. But it’s hardly going to stop anyone who’s intent on texting. It’s not like texting really distracts me all that much. Gotta text every once in a while or I’d miss an important sales call.

Oh, whaddya know? Someone’s honking. Do they love Jesus or are they honking at the traffic? I don’t know that either reason makes much sense. How does honking show love for Jesus? And why honk at the traffic? Is the honk going to get the cars moving?

Well, well…the traffic is moving. Maybe I should honk, too.

Today the traffic is really heavy. I don’t know what’s going on. It started about ten miles ago - but of course it didn’t stop cold until my favorite intersection- although it’s 5:55 pm, this time. Honestly… here we go again.

So I’m stuck here, again. Looking at the same old church -and the same old sign. Hope their message is better today. What is it?

“Free Trip to Heaven: Details Inside”

Well, isn’t that typical? That little church is the only place I can learn how to get to heaven? Why does every rinkydink church think they’ve got the one and only plan for heaven? How come they’re so sure?

That’s the trouble with churches today: so many denominations and they all think they’ve got the only ticket. Just like the dealership: we have to convince the customer we’ve got the best cars and the best deals. Not one of those holy guys is perfect but they still think I should go inside and get the details… I’d like to give that pastor a piece of my mind….

Oh, never mind. The traffic’s moving again. It’s about time.

What in the world happened here? Is there some kind of work holiday I didn’t hear about? Oh, wow…I guess they finished the construction. Wow, what an easy ride this is turning out to be. Look at that… I’m whizzing right past that church with the signs –and it’s only 5:30. Wonder what the sign says today. Hmm… something about peace.

What a pleasure not to be stuck there. Even their clever signs didn’t make it worth the stop. Peace? I’ll just bet. Same malarkey as the details for going to heaven. I’m sure their “peace” carries a price tag; donate $100 for the regular variety of peace but for complete peace you gotta pay $250. Yeah, that’s the way I’d do it. Always a markup – just like at the dealership.

I wonder what it said about peace? I’m early, ya know. Maybe I should drive by there and take a peek. Jenny won’t know what hit her; if I’m home before 6. After all, whoever’s putting up those signs deserves a piece of my mind for that last message.

Oh, so that’s what it says: “No God – No Peace. Know God – Know Peace.”

So all I need to have peace is to know God? Seems a bit too simple, to me. I think I’ll go in and have a few words with that pastor. I’ll bet he’ll have a few words for me, too.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Charla Diehl 12/11/10
I enjoyed eavesdropping on your MC's thoughts about these signs--and smiled when he was finally drawn into the church by the last one.
Dolores Stohler12/12/10
Loved your story! It's probably typical of the average American--cynical & scoffing. So glad your driver was thinking about the sign. Good work on this topic.
Virgil Youngblood 12/13/10
Church signs are noticed, that's for sure. I remember one I saw in Arizona in the summertime. It said, You Think Its Hot Here!