I don't know if it was traipsing
through the stinky cow pies
or sloshing through the thick mud
that disgusted me more
but I do know I'll never go
to another auction this side of heaven
cuz' one was enough to keep me away
for an entire lifetime.
I felt sorry for the elderly couple
who had to sell their life
since their family-owned farm
had several bad years of drought
and I was certainly mad at
all the greedy people ready
to eagerly take their possessions
for a fraction of its value.
I didn't want to go to the auction
but knew if I didn't go we
would be the next to file for
bankruptcy because my husband
loves auctions and since he had
the credit card tucked in his shirt
it seemed like the only
logical solution to my dilemma.
I had a lacy hanky tucked up
my sleeve because of my nasty cold
and every so often I would pull
it out and give a good loud honk
tucking it away until it was
desperately needed once again
which unfortunately was more often
than I would have preferred.
Of course it didn't help that
every thirty seconds to a minute
I would start sneezing until
I thought my head would fall off
nor did it help that I kept
rubbing my throbbing temples
because of the pounding my
snot-filled head was taking.
To be honest I wasn't overly
impressed with the whole auction
thing as I watched this poor couple
suffer the humiliation of having
their personal belongings taken
from them by complete strangers
who didn't have one ounce
of concern for their plight.
There was one thing I did learn
about this particular auction
experience which is that auctions
have their own body language
and by the end of it with all
my sneezing and my blowing
I pretty much had bought the entire
farm right out from under that couple.
I asked my husband how such a
ridiculous thing could happen
but he was too busy gloating since
he was incredibly proud of me
cuz' he didn't know I had it in me
to buy all those treasures
and he couldn't wait to take me
to an auction at another farm.
He did say when I waved my lacy hanky
after blowing my runny nose
I bought two bedroom sets and
a crank-turned ice cream maker
not to mention rubbing my pounding
temples made us the proud owners
of six pigs and two cows and
an old green tractor with a plow.
We're not for sure what gestures or
body language I used to bid on the
classic 1958 Chevy Bel Air or the
the boa constrictor in the aquarium
but we do know one of my honks
bought us a lava lamp in the comely
shape of a woman's leg which my
husband was especially proud to own.
While I'm thinking about it we'd
like to invite you to an auction we're
planning for this coming weekend
in bays 1-30 at the local storage unit
where we will try to recoup a few cents
on the dollar from all that stuff
but may I suggest you stay home if
you have a cold or it could all be yours.
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