Sour Grapes (and Raisins)
Jan called me on the phone just now;
Her voice reflected furrowed brow.
At groc’ry store her produce bought,
But once at home found rot uncaught.
However I had not a clue,
And knew not of this rot so true.
Instead I goofed – misunderstood.
My hearing loss messed me up good!
“My DRAPES have mold,” I thought she said,
(But really she said GRAPES instead).
She sounded ultra-mega-sad,
As well as downright hoppin’ mad.
In a split sec I formed a plan –
A way to help, to cheer my Jan!
“’The Works’ is good, or ‘Lime Away’ –
Why not try those?” I dared to say.
A speechless Jan did not reply;
I cleared my throat for one more try.
“These products, they are both quite strong -
With either one you won’t go wrong!”
“On GRAPES?” Jan screeched with doubtful fear.
“You’ll kill us all, now do you hear?
Such stuff is quite inedible;
Your plan - it’s too incredible!”
Inedible??? Who eats their DRAPES?
I wasn’t talking about crepes!
Her mind was strange; it made no sense.
She must be weird, or else quite dense.
But then, again, I stopped to think -
To figure out the missing link.
Jan’s not a fool, I knew quite well.
So what had she just tried to tell?
I pressed the phone receiver tight,
(My hearing oft’ was not quite right.)
“Try me again – WHAT did you say?”
(I wished for a less stressful way!)
Jan caught the blip, the glitch absurd;
I’d simply goofed – messed up a word!
With her sweet thoughtful heart of care,
She prompted me with wordsmith flair.
“You know those purple roundish fruits?
The ones the color of your boots?”
Jan laughed out loud with childish glee
While hoping to encourage me.
I stuttered, stammered, then broke loose
And chuckled hard like Dr. Seuss.
“I got it now! Your GRAPES are bad!
Your DRAPES are FINE! AND I’VE BEEN HAD!”
Our laughs shook all of cyber space;
I rocked and rolled; tears swiped my face.
“So what’s your plan, Ms. Grape-Gone-Fuzz?
Return the grapes to prove what was?”
Jan crowed with caws that mirrored mine;
We sounded wild - both free and fine.
In truth our mirth, like little girls’,
Refreshed our souls and bounced our curls.
“It’s no big deal, it’s really not!”
Pitch out those grapes! Toss out that rot!
It’s funny now you’ve laughed with me!”
I beamed with joy she could not see.
“I’m glad I called,” Jan gasped at last.
“Good therapy, and super-fast!”
We said good-bye, and I clicked “end,”
With gratitude for my good friend.
Then I spoke out – a soapbox trick –
With phone in hand, like pointer stick.
I lectured my four walls with tones
Like ringers in old telephones.
“Sirrrr Alexannnnder Graaaaham Bellll,
I don’t doooo telephonnnnes too wellll.
But thaaaat’s okaaaay, I do not caaaare,
When friennnnds, through phoooones, can burdens shaaaare!”
And so I have one final thought,
About bad grapes so freshly bought.
Don’t gripe when things seem sour and bad –
There might be raisins to be had!
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