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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: On the Telephone (11/18/10)

TITLE: Smeared
By Benjamin Graber
11/20/10


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Do you remember claiming her,
Presenting love upon one knee?
But was it love that stole her heart,
Removing it from the gallery?

A masterpiece so beautiful,
She then became your very own;
So many colors then were added
Through all the ways her love was shown.

You made her life so rich and deep
As dreams of marriage made her bloom,
But was it selfishness that took her heart,
And selfishness that spoke her doom?

Not man enough to face her heart
In all the fullness of her pain,
You broke her heart across the phone
And left her bleeding in the drain.

A man can make a woman shine,
Or leave her shattered heart in shards;
Now you have chosen her demise
Because true love was just too hard.

The masterpiece you claimed as yours
Has now been streaked by blotchy smears.

You’ve made your mark upon her life,
A legacy of tears.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Colin Nielsen 11/28/10
Interesting poem. Nice rhyming scheme. Good imagery.
I must confess I'm still a little unclear what actually happened? I'm guessing this couple were going to be married, she somehow made a mistake and they guy used the phone to call it off?
If this was the case, then I don't have sympathy for the girl because she was being selfish and caused the fall of the relationship. And I get the feeling this is not what you want to portray with this from what you've written in the last verses. I feel You want the reader to think the guy was being gutless because he wouldn't break up with her face to face or forgive her her selfishness and continue the relationship.
Theresa Santy 11/29/10
I enjoyed this clever, though tragic, poem.

To add my two cents: I took the poem to say it was the man's selfishness that destroyed the girl's heart (not the woman's).
Lollie Hofer 12/01/10
One things for sure...with modern day inventions it makes these type of endings less painful for the coward. I could feel the pain and disappointment.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/01/10
Wow this is a powerful piece. It definitely speaks to those who have had their hearts broken. You did a great job with the visualization as well.
Verna Cole Mitchell 12/02/10
Congratulations on an EC for your creative "heartbreaker."
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/02/10
Congratulations on your EC!
stanley Bednarz 12/02/10
Congratulations. This was one of my favorite poems I could recall. It had that familial touch for me. Stan
Lollie Hofer 12/02/10
Congratulations on your second place EC. Well done.
Benjamin Graber12/02/10
Theresa is right. The guy is the one who was selfish, not the girl.
Lollie Hofer 12/02/10
P.S.P.S. CONGRATULATIONS on moving up to Masters. A double dose of Yee-haw!
Amanda Brogan12/03/10
Congratulations on your EC and 1st place win!!!

This was heartbreaking, but well-written. Great poetry as always!
Beth LaBuff 12/03/10
Congratulations on your Editor's Choice award for this creative and haunting entry. Great work, Benjamin!