The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/25/10
Appropriate reminder for Thanksgiving--on which I've read this--about the convenience those of us enjoy in the contemporary US (even if it's on borrowed capital). I thought the privation was well-depicted. The narrator's lack of involvement gave it, for me, a feeling of aloofness--a portrayal of cultural disconnection perhaps? Nice holiday entry. :)
11/27/10
Excellent story. I was wondering for a minute how you were going to get in this weeks topic, but it all came nicely in the end.
The only issue I have with this is these questions: 'Who is the person and why are they there away from a land where everything is handed to you on a plate, and who was the call going to and why where they calling.
Your story made me want to read on for the rest that wasn't there.
11/29/10
Your descriptions were excellent, the imagery strong. I could see, smell, hear what was taking place. Good use of this week's topic.
11/29/10
Good descriptive writing. Your story brought out the moods and sense of despondency very well, but it is somewhat incomplete. The reader is left to speculate on what had happened as to why the MC is in that sorry state. Is a telephone call all it takes to solve the MC's problem or is it the beginning of the end, where food makes more sense? This is a good start for a much longer story.
I'm very blessed to be born where I was. However that also leaves me quite naive. It's good for me to journey into worlds that I can't even begin to imagine, even if the journey is just in my mind. It reminds me to be thankful of the everyday little things in my life and my stressing out whether everyone will be happy with their Christmas present is a silly worry. Thank you for sharing with me.
Congratulations on your EC!
12/02/10
I LOVE your creative use of words, which showed up in every paragraph, but as an example, "a whiff of deoderant deprivation invaded my space"--fabulous!

I enjoyed the mystery of not knowing who the MC was, and why exactly (I assume) she needed to use the phone. This allowed me to make up my own extensions to the story.

Congratulations on your placing!

12/02/10
Congratulations on your well-deserved EC.
This was so well done that I felt as if I was there too, walking the streets with you. Big congrats on your well deserved EC!
12/04/10
Very descriptive and thought-provoking; congrats on a well-deserved placing.