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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: On the Telephone (11/18/10)

TITLE: Culture Connection
By Lillian Rhoades
11/19/10


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Culture Connection



Even with a wide-brimmed, straw hat, the sun shows no mercy. The heat from its rays mixes with the pungent smell of poverty. Muddy potholes design the three mile stretch from the Compound to the hub of the city. On each side of the road, misery has left its mark. Children scamper about, some scantily dressed and some not at all, their potbelly stomachs and copper hair medically incorrect.

In a rare moment, a dog, equally impoverished, lumbers slowly along with nose to the ground, seeking what its owners could not supply. Rumor has it that his days are numbered. For a brief moment, I try to imagine the taste of dog meat, and then let it go. Where I come from dogs were groomed and pampered, never an item on the menu.

Women squat along the roadside in front of a bucket of water with questionable origin, vigorously scrubbing items from a small mound of clothes. I wonder if she’s scrubbing more dirt in than out. A young girl sways past me, deftly balancing on her head a basket full of what eventually could turn into today's wages. As she passes, a whiff of deodorant depravation invades my space, and I resist the urge to pinch my nose – a hold-over from my childhood days.

Behind me, I can hear the deep baritone voices of men drawing closer. I turn to see three men, one a human “beast of burden,” struggling to push and pull (depending on their position)a wheelbarrow laden with some sort of building material. Their muscles ripple with each effort, and their skin glistens with perspiration as they make their way towards a partially constructed house. Surely destined, I muse,to mock the shanties that surround it.

I forge ahead, focused on my mission, defying the rising temperature, and trying desperately to ignore the urgency of thirst. Finally, the end of the road opens up to a main thoroughfare, the city’s Main Street, except there are no skyscrapers, fancy shops, finely paved roads with yellow lines, or traffic lights.

TapTaps, a euphemism for a bus, overladened with passengers, plow down the street with little regard for speed or safety.

Checking twice, and then again, I scurry across to the pink building. The only place I’m told where I can make a phone call. Inside, there’s no one around.

Hmm, I contemplate, as I dig for the right change, why am I the only one here? I’d expected to have to wait on line to get a phone line. I was wrong on both counts.

Sorry, the sign says, this phone is out of order. If you need a phone, please go to the main post office.

Forget it. I check my watch and know it’s useless. By the time I took the thirty minute ride on the Tap Tap to the post office, it would be closed for the two hour afternoon break. With visions of phone booths on every corner, telephone poles lining the landscape, and someone breaking the silence in private conversation, I dart across the street to begin my tedious trek back to the Compound, barely beating an
oncoming TapTap.

Now, the sun really releases its fury. Heat rages. Before I begin my long journey, I stop at the one place I know sells “safe” water.

After ten minutes on the road, I notice an open field, sandwiched between two rows of thatched roof huts where a familiar scene greets me. Malnourished children stand around an outdoor stove, anxiously waiting for the one and only meal of the day.

Right there, I speculate, in that open field would be a great place for a telephone line.

No. I rein in my culture of convenience mindset where Ipods, and Blackberrys tickle my fancy.

Somehow, the idea of a food pantry makes more sense.


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This article has been read 575 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Troy Manning11/25/10
Appropriate reminder for Thanksgiving--on which I've read this--about the convenience those of us enjoy in the contemporary US (even if it's on borrowed capital). I thought the privation was well-depicted. The narrator's lack of involvement gave it, for me, a feeling of aloofness--a portrayal of cultural disconnection perhaps? Nice holiday entry. :)
Colin Nielsen 11/27/10
Excellent story. I was wondering for a minute how you were going to get in this weeks topic, but it all came nicely in the end.
The only issue I have with this is these questions: 'Who is the person and why are they there away from a land where everything is handed to you on a plate, and who was the call going to and why where they calling.
Your story made me want to read on for the rest that wasn't there.
Lollie Hofer 11/29/10
Your descriptions were excellent, the imagery strong. I could see, smell, hear what was taking place. Good use of this week's topic.
Edmond Ng 11/29/10
Good descriptive writing. Your story brought out the moods and sense of despondency very well, but it is somewhat incomplete. The reader is left to speculate on what had happened as to why the MC is in that sorry state. Is a telephone call all it takes to solve the MC's problem or is it the beginning of the end, where food makes more sense? This is a good start for a much longer story.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/01/10
I'm very blessed to be born where I was. However that also leaves me quite naive. It's good for me to journey into worlds that I can't even begin to imagine, even if the journey is just in my mind. It reminds me to be thankful of the everyday little things in my life and my stressing out whether everyone will be happy with their Christmas present is a silly worry. Thank you for sharing with me.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/02/10
Congratulations on your EC!
Theresa Santy 12/02/10
I LOVE your creative use of words, which showed up in every paragraph, but as an example, "a whiff of deoderant deprivation invaded my space"--fabulous!

I enjoyed the mystery of not knowing who the MC was, and why exactly (I assume) she needed to use the phone. This allowed me to make up my own extensions to the story.

Congratulations on your placing!

Lollie Hofer 12/02/10
Congratulations on your well-deserved EC.
Veronica Winley12/02/10
This was so well done that I felt as if I was there too, walking the streets with you. Big congrats on your well deserved EC!
Noel Mitaxa 12/04/10
Very descriptive and thought-provoking; congrats on a well-deserved placing.