The Official Writing Challenge
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I love this style of writing. Crisp, uncluttered and you had me too well focused on the target. I was there on the spot.
I say too well because I felt a little flat at the end-- being more focused on the surveillance than the invitation.
Perhaps that's the idea to keep 'um guessing.
I like the story. It puts the reader in the moment of every day life. The MC is in a struggle between past experience influencing present expectations. Good job! I didn't see any nitpicks.
More,more,more. Yes, "into a story," I'll read it! Cyber topic was very cleverly woven, and did not dominate the story line. MASTERful!
I wish there'd been more about who Ian and Jack were watching, but that's the problem with 750 words. I liked the invitation part of it, and how we got a glimpse of Ian's inner feelings. This would be great expanded into a book. Good job!
Yes...this is a "book" I'd love to read. Enough of a hint of the MC's character--his family--and his job to make me want to know more.
Oohhh, you plunged me into this mystery and I didn't want to leave!! Great job of showing w/o telling! You have so much potential for expansion and I'd love to read more. Excellent!!
Loved this line and it seemed to sum up the matter: "It also meant that he was spared long arguments with his father since communication in the field was strictly limited to emails."
Your timing throughout was taught and exceptional and the way you wove his thoughts (Multi-tasking) into what he was doing was masterful. Yes, I too, would like to know the outcome of the get together!
This is a nice story with emotion and suspense intertwined throughout. Nice job.
I like how we get to know Ian a little more with each paragraph; his conflicts and some of the reasons for them; his obvious softening finally toward his family, and his final decision at the end. Very nice.
Nice!! The drama, the suspense, the conflict...and then there was that spy stuff in the background. :) Awesome setting - like a scene from NCIS - but better: we got to hear what the MC was thinking. Love it!
I believe I read a winner. When you decide to throw down a story you get serious. Excellent skills. Great energy. You are a writer, no doubt. This is your day job. Enjoyed it!
A pleasant read for the season with an interesting plot, leaving readers asking for more. Like the part about having accumulated enough holiday favors to have half the agency working it in his absence. Excellent work!
Congratulations for placing 11th in level 4 and 15th overall!
Very nice! So complex it kept me wrapped up tight from beginning to end. You haven't missed a beat, girl :-)