The Official Writing Challenge
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11/12/10
Ooooh, I have so been here. I was expecting a happy ending but your "more realistic" ending was probably more exact. Hmmm, what would I do? (Loved this)
A totally realistic slice of life, and so well-written. I could easily identify with the battling emotions and the progression of thoughts. Loving my occasional Starbucks, this dilemna hit a personal note with me, only the e-mails that tug at my heart are those from Voice of the Martyrs. Terrific entry!
11/12/10
You so aptly describe an ongoing dilemma that we each face from day to day. The homeless man on the street, the new opportunity to give for a Sunday School project, the other worthy causes that flood us this season.
It would be hard for me to write it without the giving, but yours is so much more honest.
Mona
11/12/10
Yes, a haunting message here. We get jaded because we're so bombarded with requests. Your entry will stay with me.
11/12/10
This made me think because I could so relate to the MC here. I wonder, as I pray with my requests for favor from God, how have I become so jaded to the needs of those around me? Very good!
11/12/10
Oh, ouch. My toes are stepped on big time. I don't think I've ever gotten one of these emails but the commercials are heart-wrenching, for sure.
That's one issue with the nternet, you never know what is legit and what is not. Super story and you hit the topic square. Those are gut wrenching ads, but I didn't feel any less for the mc passing it by. Those are tough calls when you don't know who is getting your money. Great writing.
Wow! What a great story. I think the "bad" ending was better than a soppy ending would have been (even though I love it when characters learn a lesson). Good job!
This was a great story. It did bring up all kinds of emotions for the cost of the fancy coffe a child could have a better life. The MC could have researched children charities found a reputable one bought a can of coffee to keep at the office and still have her coffee(sure not the expensive foamy kind, but coffee) and support a child too. No matter how hard things are at Christmas I try to have my kids give a toy for Project Christmas. What a lesson it has taught us all. The years I want to skip because I can barely afford presents for my own kids were the greatest years. What a gift to see my little ones willing to sacrifice. It never failed we were rewarded 100 times over. Great story and I like the ending it's more likely to make people think...I hope that child got a sponsor...maybe it was a scam... What will I do this year? Great job!
11/15/10
Yes. It made me feel. This was a relaxed piece, so the realness of it had double impact. Wow. Good job.
11/16/10
It did take me a bit to sink into the flow of the story, but when I got there, I was hooked. Since you asked for red ink, I would suggest tightening the beginning and giving it a bit more of a voice - I wasn't sure of the age or gender of the narrator (although the anonymity worked fine). I love the ending.
I felt two responses to your excellently written piece--1.
I need to be careful that my money for the needy really gets to those with needs, 2. I need to care more, practically and unselfishly, for those with needs.
11/18/10
I loved this piece and I've decided I want to write like you when I grow up!

Amazing example of showing/not telling, getting me, the reader, involved by activating my thinking cap.

I loved the phrase 'Christmas in a cup' which was beautifully ironic. For what sort of a Christmas could a deprived child have, if someone were to relinquish that cup?

I once criticized my brother-in-law for one of his favorite hobbies, going to the shooting range with his rediculously large rifle, for which each bullet costs five dollars. But then, God immediately placed a mirror before my face, and I shrank.

Congratulations on your well-deserved placing.

Congratulations on your EC! Way to go my friend! I would say you elicited all kinds of emotions from many people!
11/18/10
Congratulations, Leah. I was waiting for the boss to appear over her shoulder, or her coffee to spill. "Drat, there goes my Christmas."

I have to say that emails like that bother me if they are a scam. But if the heart is tugged, seeking a reputable children's charity would be good. Just random thoughts.

Good job! Congratulations, Your a Winner! :0)