The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/19/05
Don't ya just wish we could go back and edit after posting. Seen several errors..the second paragraph sentence using the word "BACK" twice in one sentence. The second word should have been replaced with "top" of her head.
God bless ya,
littlelight
09/21/05
A few comments: Check spelling of "cried" and "ludicrous." A few other minor typos, and I don't think the verse at the end is necessary; you've told the reader a very effective story without it. Leave us in the girl's head, comtemplating her future right along with her. You did a great job of showing the menace, fear, etc.
09/24/05
Ew - anything but friendly - which I guess is part of the irony of the piece. It leaves me wondering what will happen ... which is also part of your intention, I'm sure. Well done.