The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/29/10
I really like this well-written story. It has a great message in it. The characters were genuine as well. Loved Joe's mispronounced words, and his wisdom too.
10/30/10
Wonderful! The characters are a delight. My only red ink is the italicized portion - if it is a thought, I would put it in present tense. If it is more narration, the italics are unnecessary. Well done.
I enjoyed reading this as the MC worked through her conflict with a little help from Joe. Nicely done.
Great job of describing the environment- even the pesky fly.

I am curious as to why the cafe owner goes by "Joe" rather than his ethnic name.

Would love to hear more of this story!
Great story. It fits the topic well, and the characters are real and endearing. I like the way you start and end with the buzzing fly. Great job.
10/31/10
I too liked Joe. Sweet characterisation
10/31/10
You story flows so easily - with the setting and the dialogue. Very well done with an enjoyable plot and characters.
10/31/10
I enjoyed reading this story. The setting is excellent, creating a vivid scene. The characters are believable and interesting. I like that she listens to Joe's opinion, suggesting that she trusts his advice.
10/31/10
I really enjoyed this: the fly, the accent, the conflict. All of it was awesomely good. Thumbs up!
11/01/10
I found this delightful, and I loved the character of Joe.

Tiny nit-pick--his accent didn't 'sound' Italian to me. I appreciated that you didn't go overboard with trying to render an accent phonetically, but his syntax just didn't resemble Italian accents that I've heard/read.

Nevertheless, this was a great read, and I enjoyed it very much.
11/02/10
Loved your creativity on this topic, Pup! Writing our concerns about a loved one's life is never easy. But I think your Joe seems very wise.
Great job!
11/03/10
I love it! The blow-fly, the little word mistakes made by the waiter, and his oh-so wise advice on how to write this important letter. GREAT job!!!
Congratulations on your highly commended. Keep your chin up as you are doing a fantastic job. Love, Shann
11/05/10
Good job, only nitpick would be, using a "blow-fly" without sharing what it is. It could have been asteriked at the end of the story or described in the telling. I have never heard of it and I have learned never to assumed anything about your audience. Just a plain "fly" is universal or is it something unique about a blow-fly?
11/06/10
Here's another well done. Good to see you up there in lights
Congrats, well you are not far off. Not my kind of story but I agree well written.