The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/21/10
This is a heart-wrenching story--very well-written. I like how you portrayed the character's personalities. Good job.
Well crafted story. Nicely paced. The contrast between the mother and father set up perfectly with the descriptions.
I liked the voice of the MC - it seemed to ring true. The observation that an accident can mellow one, while a job and career can distant the other is an interesting one. Definitely providing someone something to think about.
10/22/10
This is brilliant! As I read, I had the same knot in my stomach that your MC does - you did a marvelous job of making the reader feel her emotions.

I also thought your contrast of the parents was interesting.

Good writing!
10/23/10
Your well-paced writing moved this story along as the reader saw the characters develop. Loved how the dad's heart softened and made him the more approachable parent in spite of his accident. Though the MC's problem was predictable, I felt her emotions due to your crafting of words. Good job.
You did a wonderful job telling this conversation that no parent wants to hear from a 17 yo. I was 18 when I walked into the house to tell my parents. My mom was asleep. I was afraid I'd lose my courage so I blurted out "Wake up Mom I'm pregnant." You did an excellent job showing how the girl was feeling.
Congratulations for placing 15th in level 4 and 34th overall!