The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wonderful! I really felt as though I was there, watching this interchange between Mr. de Lange and Bianca. Your descriptiveness drew me right in.

The story was a good reminder, too, that what we see on the surface (in this case, the elderly and infirm) is not usually what is truly there.

Great writing!
Overall, a very good entry. I found the story interesting and offering lessons for us all.
I think maybe writing the dialogue to fit the pronunciation would improve it rather than telling the reader how the word sounds.
The pacing throughout is very good.

I love the tender side of this story as the heart of your MC opens and sees the old man as so much more. Thanks for the lesson.
Fits well with the theme and has an important lesson to teach.
You did an excellent job of presenting "conversation" and showing the growth of character in a young lady. I enjoyed this story.
Loved the line "the sour smell of decline." That covers the many odors found in a place like that!

I am thinking this would have more oomph to it if the teenager was dragged in with major attitude.

Good idea of for the topic.
You did a fabulous job painting a picture of this place and these people. I found myself getting roped into the story the old man was telling just as Bianca had. Great job!!
Wow what a powerful story. I loved every word of it. I think the mother was quite wise to bring her daughter into charity work as a way of disciplining her. I love the double meaning of the title as well. Great job!
This is absolutely lovely! Really enjoyed this and would have like to be in on the next visit.
I love this piece. I thought of you when I read it and wondered! I'm so glad you're back. I've missed your outstanding stories!
Old people with a history - who knew? Excellent entry. One teens need to read.
This really spoke to me. I well remember my dad's experiences in a nursing home before Alzheimer's claimed his life last year. It was sad, and yet, interesting, to pass the rooms and see the bios of the people who resided there. So many had lives filled with excitement and adventures before the disease of age took the experiences from their minds. I loved getting to know who they really were when life for them was young and filled with things to come.

Wonderful story! I loved it.
This is such a great reminder about the value of the elderly. They have so much to offer if we would just allow them. Great story.
Lovely story. Only after reading Shann's comment, did I get the double meaning. Bit slow.....