The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/10
I like the brevity of the depth in your dialogue - at human and divine levels.
I also enjoyed the touch of humour within the critical nature of your close. Well done.
This is a nice story. It has a wonderful message and is sprinkled with just the right amount of suspense.
09/18/10
This was powerful. I especially like the last line.
09/19/10
Good picture of the change that can take place in the deepest part of any who will receive Him. Takes some longer than others.
09/22/10
If only all the skeptics had a chance like you MC to realize that there is more to life than what we have here on earth.
To answer your questions... I don't think it ends abruptly at all, but then I know about how I have a hard time keeping it under 750 and understand having to end it before I think it's finished,

As for the He, I will admit that confused me at first. I had to reread it. I think it should be lowercase because the sentence hasn't ended yet. But I could be wrong.

Again I think you did a great job on this piece and I could really feel your passion in spreading the news about Jesus and heaven.
09/22/10
Good story! I don't think it ended too ubruptly.

"He" would be lowercase. A tad of red ink: the voices in this didn't sound "masculine" enough to be an authentic exchange between guys.

Good angle for the topic :-)
09/22/10
Great story. I like the twist ending. Your red ink has been applied in another post, so I won't echo the corrections. You have captured the skeptic quite well.
Hey there! :) I enjoyed reading your story. It reminded me of how Jesus met Saul on the road to Damascus. He was probably something of a skeptic, too. I like how you fitted the inner person and the message of salvation into your article. Great job with a tricky topic!