The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/10
Great story telling with
a lot of imagery. A comment I made to a previous submission also applies here.

We don't have a soul, we are soul; we have body. C.S. Lewis. What we REALLY are, lives on. I have just one question about the realism angle. Is it realistic to think of playing chess with a leper?
This was a riveting story and I enjoyed the parallel to the chess game. Well done.
09/21/10
I like how you used the chess game within this piece.
09/21/10
Your imagery is wonderful and your atmosphere rich. Just one bit of red ink - glimpse is most often used as an accidental thing, "I caught a glimpse of something," while glance implies an intentional action. "He glanced back at the chess game" might be a better word choice. I'm being nitpicky. Overall, this is a very strong entry.
09/22/10
I love the way this story unfolds, gradually cluing us into more details. The last line was a surprise - I expected the guard to win. Very creative take on the topic!
Congratulations for placing 7th in your level and 28th overall!