Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Inner Person (09/09/10)

TITLE: The Me Inside of Me
By Christina Banks


Grandpa is dead; at least that’s what Mama told me. We just saw him on Saturday at his apartment. He gave me a handful of M&M’s from his secret hiding place – the drawer of his bedside table. I like the red ones the best and Grandpa always saves them for me. I wonder who will give me red M&M’s now.

I know all about death. My goldfish died last winter, and Daddy flushed it down the toilet. Then in the summer, my puppy got hit by a car. I cried a lot longer for my puppy than I did for Goldie. Dead is forever. That must be why Mama’s so sad.

Grandpa once told me that he was looking forward to dying. He said that when he died, he would go to heaven and live with Jesus and Grandma. Grandpa told me all about heaven. He said that the streets are paved with real gold – not like the ring that turns my finger green – and there are gates made out of pearls. Mama has a pearl necklace that she wears when Daddy takes her out to dinner. I think heaven sounds like a wonderful place.

Daddy says we’re going somewhere to see Grandpa. How can we see Grandpa when he’s in heaven? Maybe they have Skype in heaven, and we can talk to Grandpa like we do Aunt Lydia and Uncle Jim. I wonder if we can talk to Grandma and Jesus too.

Mama takes my hand and walks with me toward a building. I’ve never been here before. Mama says I have to be on my best behavior. That means I have to walk, use my indoor voice, and be polite. I hope we don’t have to stay long. This place smells funny – kinda like Great Aunt Ethel’s house. I wrinkle my nose, but Mama gives me The Look when I start to complain.

We are standing in a big room. There are a lot of people here. Near the front I see a long wooden box, with lots of flowers around it. Aunt Lydia, Uncle Jim and my cousins standing there too. What are they doing outside of the computer? I want to run to them and play, but Mama keeps a tight hold on my hand.

Everyone is dressed up for church, but my teacher said it’s Tuesday. I want to ask Daddy about it, but he tells me to shush. I wonder if we have to wait in line to talk to Grandpa. I hate waiting in line. Yesterday, I had to wait in line for a drink at the water fountain, and Randy Cassidy kept pushing me. I don’t like Randy Cassidy.

Finally, we make it to the front of the room. Aunt Lydia hugs Daddy and Mama, and then she squeezes me tight. I can hardly breathe. When she lets me go, Daddy picks me up. Now I can see in the box. Grandpa’s sleeping in there. What a funny place to sleep. I say so to Daddy.

“Oh Pumpkin,” Daddy says, “Grandpa’s not sleeping. Remember, Grandpa’s in heaven with Grandma and Jesus.” This makes Mama cry again.

“But he’s not in heaven.” I say. “I can see him right there.” I point to the box.

“Grandpa’s body is still here, but the real part of Grandpa - the part that lived inside the body - is in heaven with Jesus.”

Daddy’s words swirl around in my head, like clothes in the dryer. Are there really two parts to people? The part you can see, and the part you can’t see? Is there really a me inside of me?

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 1437 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Francy Judge 09/16/10
The child's voice and innocent thoughts are realistic. Very sweet story with nice details and characterization. I enjoyed this.
Sarah Heywood09/16/10
This was delightful and so true to what I'm sure children do think and feel in situations like what you described.

You did a wonderful job with this topic!
Lori Othouse 09/16/10
This is so sweet and real, great POV. The innocence and questions from a child can teach us all. Loved it!
Charla Diehl 09/16/10
I loved the voice of the child throughout this piece. Your ending tied in perfectly to the topic and the realistic innocence of the MC made this story a winner for me.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/18/10
I loved this story. It reminded me of when my grandfather died, everytime we drove past the funeral home my 5 yo old would say, "That's where Poppa lives now." Kids sure do have an unique take on life. You captured that innocent and curious youngster quite well.
Barbara Lynn Culler09/19/10
This is sad and brought on tears. Adults tend to forget to let children know what to expect at funerals.

Good job on relaying the thoughts of a child.
Loren T. Lowery09/21/10
Love the way you presented this and the simple question asked by the child at then end - so innocent, but so real. You captured it perfectly!
Kimberly Russell09/21/10
I really loved the voice of this piece--you nailed it. Good job.
Rachel Phelps09/21/10
Simply delightful both in clarity of voice and beauty of message. Well done.
Kate Oliver Webb 09/22/10
Remarkably accurate voice as the child tries to figure out what exactly happened here. And the introduction in the child's mind of the body and soul would be facinating to watch develop. Wow--great stuff here.
Catrina Bradley 09/22/10
I enjoyed this so much! The voice is awesome, and the topic, even though not revealed until the end, is very clear. Great job!
Sarah Elisabeth 09/22/10
Double bravo on this! You captured the child's mind in such a real way. I was about that age at my grandmother's funeral. So real.

Top notch writing!
Loren T. Lowery09/23/10
Glad to see this placed so highly with your EC. You did a wonderful job capturing the mind of a child. Congratulations on your EC!
Sara Harricharan 09/23/10
Oooh, the child-like voice really got to me. WOW! So expertly woven, the title made sense at the end.

Congrats! ^_^
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/23/10
Congratulations for placing 7th in your level and for the EC!
Jan Ackerson 01/25/12
Christina, I'm going to feature this story on the Front Page Showcase for the week for February 27. Look for it on the FaithWriters home page--and congratulations!