The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/10
The message comes through loud and clear in this story's wrap up. You had my interest from start to finish. Just some tiny corrections: paragraph 4-- Jessie is the quieter one, AND (not but)...... paragraph 6-- John and Brianna are WHO (not what)....
Good job.
This is a nice story with a good message. At the beginning I stopped and said a quick prayer of thanksgiving for my wonderful in-laws. I did enjoy your story.


Oh the stuff we hide in our souls and have it errupt in inapproprate ways.

Your story kept me captivated;now I want to hear more!

09/20/10
What a nice story for the topic. It has a lesson we all need.
Very interesting - the juxtaposition of where I thought this story was logically headed changed and I thought of course, why not. We plan, but God directs. We stop and listen and find God waiting.
09/21/10
Loved the premise of this story. So true to life and wonderful. The voice was very "telling" versus "showing," but it is still a great story.
09/22/10
I'm praising God for my mother-in-law. I like the way that you tied this story together.
Congratulations for placing 15th in your level and 21 overall!