The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
The message comes through loud and clear in this story's wrap up. You had my interest from start to finish. Just some tiny corrections: paragraph 4-- Jessie is the quieter one, AND (not but)...... paragraph 6-- John and Brianna are WHO (not what)....
Good job.
This is a nice story with a good message. At the beginning I stopped and said a quick prayer of thanksgiving for my wonderful in-laws. I did enjoy your story.

Oh the stuff we hide in our souls and have it errupt in inapproprate ways.

Your story kept me captivated;now I want to hear more!

What a nice story for the topic. It has a lesson we all need.
Very interesting - the juxtaposition of where I thought this story was logically headed changed and I thought of course, why not. We plan, but God directs. We stop and listen and find God waiting.
Loved the premise of this story. So true to life and wonderful. The voice was very "telling" versus "showing," but it is still a great story.
I'm praising God for my mother-in-law. I like the way that you tied this story together.
Congratulations for placing 15th in your level and 21 overall!