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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Think (09/02/10)

TITLE: Fixing My Thoughts
By Melanie Kerr


There are some many thoughts buzzing around my head these days.

Sometimes I think about Harvey and me. Why us? Harvey with his lethal cocktail of genes, diagnosed with cancer six months ago. I think about all the cigarettes he didnít smoke, the calorie ridden diet he didnít eat, the couch potato lifestyle he didnít live. And I think itís not fair.

Sometimes I think about the hospital rooms. The smell of disinfectant clings to my hair and my clothes, and sets me apart from other people. I think about the way the doctors and nurses look at me and I hear them whisper, ďPoor love.Ē

Sometimes I think about what happens after Harvey has gone. I will have to sort out his clothes and pack them off to a charity shop. I think about my mum who left it all to friends and family to sort out my dadís things when he died. Like scavengers they took so much and left so little.

Sometimes I think about the funeral. Harvey doesnít want to talk about it, but arrangements must be made. I have talked to Bob. He was the best man at our wedding and has agreed to be my best man at the funeral. He knows the kind of things Harvey liked. I shall tell people not to wear black, but I know what people are like. I worry about crying. How strong do I have to be?

Sometimes I think about my heart and the weight of sorrow upon it. There will come a day when it breaks.

Sometimes I think about other people and how Harveyís death will mean nothing to them. Sleeping and waking, eating and working, resting and playing - the world will not stop turning.

Sometimes I think what if this was just a Bobby Ewing moment? Perhaps I will step out the shower to realise that it was all just an unpleasant dream.

Sometimes I think that I ought to be brave. I have these extra resources given by God and I should have a handle on all of these trials. I remind myself that although I am loosing Harvey, itís just for a little while, not forever.

Sometimes I think that I havenít pray enough. Yes, I hold his hand as he lies in the hospital bed but I donít rebuke the cancer cells the way some other person might do. I watch the flesh fall from his bones and I worry I am just standing by and letting it happen.

So it came as a balm to my heart this morning as I read the words from Hebrews 3:1 - ďFix your thoughts on Jesus..Ē

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This article has been read 643 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sarah Heywood09/09/10
I enjoyed this! While I have never been in the position of the MC, I could identify because someday, I'm sure I will, and I'm sure my thoughts will rattle around much the same her's do in this story. Very nice writing. I especially enjoyed the ending and the reminder that in life's tribulations, there is one constant and that is where our focus needs to be.
Gregory Kane09/12/10
Beautiful tender reflections. I didn't follow the "Bobby Ewing moment" as it's been a long long time since I last watched Dallas. But that aside, a deeply moving piece.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/13/10
This touched me on so many levels. My heart ached but then I felt the love the MC has for her love.
Barbara Lynn Culler09/16/10
A beautiful story.

I, too, did not understand who Bobby Ewing was, but did realize it pertained to a dream. Now, if you had said Dorothy from the Wizard Of Oz, then most everyone would know who you meant.

So sad. Is this a true story?
Rachel Phelps09/16/10
This is very well done, beautifully organized and poignantly presented. Great writing.
Amy Michelle Wiley 09/16/10
Wow, this is so very real and so very touching. Well done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/16/10
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 30 overall!