The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/09/10
This was completely delightful - and as a mom to 4 boys, living out in the country - more than a little scary! Boys! You captured the moment well with completely believable dialogue. Excellent!
09/12/10
Ditto delightful. Great tomfoolery. I wonder if you meant to say the Beatles?
This was an enjoyable read being the youngest myself I understand that need to prove yourself thanks for the nice chuckles and the hobble down memory lane.
09/13/10
Great story! I could see the scene unfolding. Fun, believable dialogue. I'm also a mother to four boys; one is especially athletic and daring and has been to the hospital a few times for "not thinking."
09/15/10
The voice and the dialog made me forget I was reading--I was there in the barn with the guys. Excellent tale telling!

A little "red ink" - I feel the "flashback" would stand alone as a very strong story. As I read the segue from beginning into the flashback was a little confusing, and the return to the present at the end was jarring and the atmosphere you created was gone.

The writing is superb, however, and you captured the personalities of your young characters well. Excellent entry!