The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/20/05
You have the bones of a very good, dramatic story here. Learn to flesh out the characters for the reader. As it stands Sam is one dimensional. You can add drama to the story by giving him and his wife big financial problems; maybe they care for an elderly relative and have huge medical bills. Seeing all that cash… are there moments when Sam wishes they weren’t struggling for every penny? Can he have a pity party? Be bought to the brink of financial destruction and almost borrow money from Nelson before he learns contentment and reassesses where his real home is? Do you get my drift? Read some books on writing over the break. Look forward to reading more of your work. Yeggy
09/21/05
It seems to me that a person who worships cash like Nelson does would not flash it around nor tempt thieves by not keeping it in a bank. And you got a bit "preachy" toward the end. I agree that you have a good story to tell here, and your contrasting characters are effective.
09/22/05
I see Laura as not being judgemental. She doesn't even comment on Nelson's love and pride in his hard cash.