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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hotel/Motel (09/12/05)

TITLE: Nelson's Home
By Anthony David
09/17/05


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Nelson’s home


“Hello, I’m Sam from the branch office, here to work with you on this assignment.” Said I as I walked towards a thin built and slim middle-aged man.

“Oh hello, I’m Nelson”, he said, “ I hope we will gel well together.”

In fact, we did go on well with each other. The assignment proceeded with out a hitch. We also began to know each other better as we worked together.

Over a cup of coffee in the evening I enquired, “Where do you live Nelson?”
“I live in a hotel room” replied Nelson.
I was astonished. “But you are permanent here, why don’t you have a home to live in?”

“I find that a small room in a hotel is enough for me. I am happy,” replied Nelson, without batting an eyelid. I was flabbergasted.

One evening I found time to visit Nelson in his room at the hotel. It was a small unpretentious hotel. His room was very small.
Just a table and a chair, a cot with a mattress. No pictures or photos. Nothing personal of Nelson was seen in that room.

As I sat wondering about what made Nelson, click, he came to me with the answer. “Cool hard cash – that’s what makes me happy. I have tons of cash on my person all the while. Even when I go to sleep.”
I couldn’t believe my eyes. He slowly unraveled his belt pouch and extracted cash. Wads and wads of hard cash. He spread all the cash on the disheveled mattress and gloated over it.
“ This cash is all the security I need Sam.” He said. “ I always have lots of cash with me. Anytime you need some, please call me. I will gladly lend it to you. Of course you’ll have to repay it all with some interest.”

I was wonderstruck. Here I find a man oozing with hard cash and yet unwilling even to hire a house to live in! Just existing in a cheap hotel and worshipping money!

Back home (real home: my home!), I shared my feelings with Laura, my wife.

She smiled and said, “There is one thing we can learn from your friend though. We too need to live on this earth as if we are on a vacation – or as if we are in a hotel room. Our eternal home is not here on Planet earth. Rather it is in our celestial city - heaven!”

“Yes Laura, I agree.” I said as we began to get the Bibles ready for our family prayer, “ But we need to have the Lord Jesus Christ, the Resurrected Lord as our security. Not money or fame or any such thing!”

Laura smiled as she arranged the songbooks, “ Our eternal home is in heaven. Our temporary hotel room is this home of ours on earth.” She quipped.


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This article has been read 565 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Val Clark09/20/05
You have the bones of a very good, dramatic story here. Learn to flesh out the characters for the reader. As it stands Sam is one dimensional. You can add drama to the story by giving him and his wife big financial problems; maybe they care for an elderly relative and have huge medical bills. Seeing all that cash… are there moments when Sam wishes they weren’t struggling for every penny? Can he have a pity party? Be bought to the brink of financial destruction and almost borrow money from Nelson before he learns contentment and reassesses where his real home is? Do you get my drift? Read some books on writing over the break. Look forward to reading more of your work. Yeggy
Jan Ackerson 09/21/05
It seems to me that a person who worships cash like Nelson does would not flash it around nor tempt thieves by not keeping it in a bank. And you got a bit "preachy" toward the end. I agree that you have a good story to tell here, and your contrasting characters are effective.
Phyllis Inniss 09/22/05
I see Laura as not being judgemental. She doesn't even comment on Nelson's love and pride in his hard cash.