Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Think (09/02/10)
TITLE: No pit so deep
By Sharon Kane
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End of June and still nothing. Could I be... surely not? We tried for ten years after the twins were born. That's why he left me, his 'barren garden'. Found a new young wife, not that he had to look far. Lord if I'd never let her into my house in her hour of need I might never have lost my husband. Anyway, that's history. Nothing to do about it now. I just never imagined he'd come back. Could I have kept him a place in my heart? But how was I to know he'd want me again? My God, you know how long I cried when he walked out. He died in my heart after that and now I can't have him back, not ever. But what to do now? I'll be called a prostitute. No one will believe me. Go get herbs from the medicine man? Don't even think of it woman! It's God's child however it was conceived. Should I talk to Charity? I doubt she'd believe me. I'm sure Pastor has never forced her like that. I'll wait another week, maybe I'll still get my period.
Thank you God for Charity. Not that it makes me not pregnant, but she'll handle the gossip mongers at least. Not a moment too soon either, I felt it move yesterday. I still can't believe it's not a bad dream, but I guess I'll just have to get on with it. I wonder if he'll give me money for nappies and things? Fat chance! I'll just have to buy little by little. And I'd better get a move on, only five months to go.
What was that? It can't be starting already? It's supposed to be next month. Must have been something I've eaten. Go back to sleep, you've lots to do tomorrow. But, Ow! Oh God, be my strength. I have no help but you. Should I call Charity? No, she'll be asleep. I'd better get to hospital. Lord you know I've no money to pay the 'tip'. You'll have to be my midwife. Please get me through this night. Keep me safe God, my girls need me.
So, another girl. Such a sweet face, but every time I look at her I see his ghastly leer, feel his hands on my throat, his knees between my legs... Oh stop thinking about it! Your baby needs you. But I haven't got what she needs. When the twins were born I cried with joy. But now? Oh how could he do this to me? He hasn't even been to visit me and the child's a week old already. Whatever was he thinking that night? What have I done to deserve this? I wanted to get a job, not have another baby. God, I can't do this. I have nothing in my heart for her, do you hear? Nothing!
Lord, I don't even want to think of what I'd have done to the baby if Charity hadn't visited today. How did she know what I was going through? I guess you showed her. Thank you so much for speaking to her about me. 'Ruhamah'. What a perfect name. I didn't even know Hosea existed, and now my child is named from his book. "I will show my love to the one I called not my loved one." Yes, Lord! Let it be. Love Ruhamah through me. Make her a child of your grace.
Title reference: 'There is no pit so deep that His love is not deeper still' (Betsie ten Boom)
Bible reference: Hosea 2:23
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