The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/20/05
A sensitive fly! Love the point of view. Works well that she is initially thwarted: no Bible. Just enough exposition in the dialogue to give us the background we need. (You could have saved words by dropping the dialogue tags like ‘she said/continued’ because the reader knows she is speaking.) Great that the answer to her prayer did not come out of the blue but was connected to part of her story. Well done. Yeggy
09/21/05
I love this! You avoided the Gideon's Bible cliche by having it be missing, but the girl found salvation anyway. The girl's internal voice was absolutely authentic. And the POV really worked for me. Well done.
Sensitive and humane the way you described the girl and believable.
09/21/05
This was great! I love the first paragraph and the "missing O and T". Good job!
09/22/05
Great work on the topic. Story line was interesting.
09/22/05
Ahhh....I love the little bugs story. I would like to see this a little longer so that you could go into more descriptions etc. but the word count thing ....
09/22/05
Cool take on the 'fly on the wall!' I liked the part....I mean, not kill him or anything,.... because I could see me wanting to becareful what I said to God under the same desperate circumstances. Great job in showing what a witness can do - I would have liked to have known the story about how the lady got there!
Really good strong story told very strongly. You got right into the heart of your characters, and the POV works wonderfully well. Great stuff. God bless.
09/23/05
Very well told - very dramatic.
Enjoyed this. Good job. Blessings, Amy Verlennich
09/24/05
You did well with putting appropriate speech (content, vocab, sentence length etc.) into the mouths of the three characters who spoke. Well done. I was right there with the bug-eyed witness too, thanks to your story-telling prowess!
An enjoyable read. Well done!
09/27/05
Lynda, I couldn't believe that two of you were creative enough to come from a bug's point of view. Amazing! Good work! Love, Deb