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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Think (09/02/10)

TITLE: PSALMS of Discontent
By Mona Purvis


Dear Lord

Here I am on my knees, Father, looking for help only You can provide. I know I said I'd go anywhere, Lord. I love my church ; You know I do, Lord. But, this PSALMS is a thorn in my side.

You're right. It was my idea. Lord, you know I love my sheep, even the PSALMS. But, I'm ill-equipped... Okay, so was Moses...fair enough.

Lord, it seemed so simple. I know...Israel thought Saul was a plan, too. But, Lord, they're my sheep, my senior sheep. Problem-Solving And Life-Mentoring Seniors. PSALMS. Lord, they're Your children! Yes, I know. I told You I'd go anywhere.

But, Father, they're Problematic, Subversive, Argumentative, Ludicrous, Meandering Seniors. PSALMS. Not the PSALMS of Solomon, Lord. More like the PSALMS of David when he was ...well, You know...not his best. They just finished their Think-Tank Meeting at Myrtle Beach, Lord. Of course, You'd know that. You intervened when Sissy choked on a crab's leg.

All I asked them to consider in their meeting, Lord, were three items: the parking lot, an ice maker and a church photo directory. That's all, Lord. Input from our senior members. Simple.

The parking lot, Lord. Just want to decide if we need to put up a gate. We're seeing beer cans and black marks on the pavement, Lord. People using it at night to gather. Why, Abigail has decided we need to put member names on all the parking spaces, Lord. And Rocky has re-designed the entire lot! With no driving lanes between spaces, Lord! Harvey thinks we should just rip up the concrete and put down gravel to keep the black marks from appearing!

I know, Lord. I said I'd go anywhere. You're Right. You know I love them, Lord.

Lord, we have the money in the budget for an ice maker for the church kitchen. It may seem a little thing. But, it sure will be nice to be able to make churns of ice cream and have iced tea on the table for our church reunions. Lord, Cordelia wants cubes and Mildred insists on flaked ice. Ambrose won't hear of anything but nuggets. Lord, you know I love them. I know, Lord. Long suffering. Yes, Lord. But, Millicent thinks the church should be satisfied with buying blocks of ice and using her grandmother's antique ice picks, Lord.

Lord, I meant it. You know...when I said I'd go anywhere. I do love them, Lord.

We're a growing church, Lord. And we really do think a church photo directory would help people get to know one another and connect better. That's why I asked them to consider it. Can You believe Violet? Lord, she insists on limiting the pictures to those of nuclear families. ' Exclude extended families all together' she says. 'Church families are father, mother and their children and nothing else'. Lord, would that eliminate Jesus, Him being Your Son and all? Milburn thinks we shouldn't list anyone's address, telephone number or email address; You know how security conscious he is. But, isn't that the purpose of the directory? And, Constance won't stand for anything but formal dress, men in coats and ties and women in dresses. Lord, I can't tell them what to wear, can I? I mean, John the Baptist, Lord...he made do.

Well, Lord. I'm leaving it all in Your hands. Gregory is knocking on the door. Guess it's time for the Deacon's meeting.

Lord. Right now would be an excellent time for the rapture. Now, I'm not telling You what to do, Lord. Yes, I know. I said I'd go anywhere.

“Pastor Tom, come quickly! Harvey's got a bulldozer tearing up the parking lot and Mildred is chasing Cordelia around the kitchen with an ice pick!”

Lord, it's not too late to send me to Africa. I know it wasn't my first choice, but...

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This article has been read 608 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Charla Diehl 09/09/10
Humans can sure make a mess of things when they leave God on the sidelines. I worked at a church for many years and had to smile my way through this one. I identified a bit too closely as your story resurrected old memories.
Sarah Heywood09/10/10
Oh, this was funny! And, unfortunately, a little too close to what really does go in some churches. Very entertaining and excellent writing!
Bryan Ridenour09/10/10
Super entry. Great writing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/14/10
This is hysterical. Not only did I laugh throughout, but I could have subsituted some names from my church and it would fit. This is a fantastic piece!
Patricia Turner09/15/10
So funny and well written!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/16/10
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 30 overall!