The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/19/05
Amazing account. The tornado's "thoughts" added great dimension. Well one!
09/20/05
Yes, personifying the tornado worked well. You could have made this a much more powerful story by choosing one of the kids to be your POV character and connecting with their emotions throughout. Yeggy
You created tension in your writing. With bated breath I read on eagerly to see what would happen. It was a "Close Call" for you all.
09/21/05
The personification of the tornado was wonderful, extremely effective. I think that since it is dated in the past, that past tense would be more effective for this story. Also: marquis=nobleman, marquee=front of a hotel. Very exciting story, I love the way you switched from the teens to the storm. Good job!
09/22/05
Good flow and dialogue
Personifing the tornado was an excellent idea. You have a very strong voice and this was very good. God bless.
09/23/05
Well done! I was engrossed in this tale from the first mention of the eerie sky(tornadoes fascinate me but I wouldn't want to be caught in one!). At first I thought you were just tossing in (no pun intended) the Holiday Inn because of the topic but when I saw it was a true story, wow! God certainly did (and does) have other plans for you!
Excellent writing - loved the tornadoe's "voice".
Blessings, Lynda
09/23/05
I wasn't around when those tornadoes tore through Ohio, but they are still talked about. An amazing story -well done!
09/24/05
The tornado reminds me of an animal stalking its prey! Great job!
09/27/05
Beth, this was an excellent piece of writing. I was with you from start to finish. You rated very well with the judges, but were let down by the fact that its connection with the topic wasn't quite as strong as some others. But boy - it was a terrific piece of writing! Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
10/13/05
Wow. This was an exciting story you talented lady! Goosebumps, totally. Never having seen a tornado you made me really imagine it. Freaky!