The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This story fit the topic so perfectly. You did a great job with weaving a bit of fiction into the Biblical facts. Great wrap-up sentence too.
You did a great job of putting a wife range of feelings on this story.
WOW! I can imagine this happening just this way! Great job.
oops that was supposed to be wide range of feelings, but wife might work too.
I loved this line: It was like trying to explain the beauty of the garden at sunrise. Good job describing the intoxication of the fruit. I also liked the parallel of the temporary thrill that sin gives... then when it wears off, something just doesn't "feel" right. Keep writing.
This was great! I could really see it possibly happening in just this way.
Wow, you made me want to eat that fruit. Great job.
Excellent! I loved how the new knowledge was shown in emotion. Since you asked for some red ink, I'll say only that I skimmed ever so slightly in the middle. The pacing seemed the slightest bit slow. But in the grand scheme of the story, it is a tiny problem. Well done!
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 40 overall.