The Official Writing Challenge
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I'm sorry, but I find this story very, very disturbing. It seems to suggest that the abuse of addiction and neglect justifies the escalation of physical abuse and threatening of the husband. While intervention is surely warranted, violence is not the answer, though the ending seems to suggest that it is.
08/26/10
Yes, something seemed out of place here. The story begins well, and has the potential for a powerful message. But the violent thrashing didn't feel right.

When she was sewing her husband to the bed, I was trying to figure out what she'd do next, and I thought she might try to keep him in bed while he detoxed or something.
08/27/10
Well, your writing was good. But, this story was really mentally disturbing. I'm dismayed by the turn of events depicted in the violent beating the wife gives her husband. It doesn't seem quite realistic to me (he couldn't break free from the thread that held his sheet to the bed?) and then he doesn't seem too upset with her the next day. I know if I did that, my husband would take my children and leave as he'd have proof I was more than a little pyschopathic. As writers, we need to be careful about the messages we write.

But, that said, your writing IS good and I know I would enjoy reading a more cheerful story from you next time!
This was an unexpected story. I found myself enjoying it maybe a bit too much. You certainly had my attention all the way through it! :)
I sense the writer knows they are a good writer, and may not even need this forum. The writing style was superb to say the least.

It does remind me however why I write on this forum, not because I think every story should end with a happy cheesecake smile but because what we do write, can offer hope, and leave us with a spiritual coating of God's presence at work.

Every week I write, read, and I learn.

We learn and grow together. I would like to see this "firecracker get saved," in the next installment. That might really mess with that dude's head.
Disturbing, yet true. I found myself becoming nervous toward the end because I was not sure if she was going to kill him. I am relieved she didn't. Good work drawing in your readers.
Oops... I had too many windows open and I submitted the wrong one...

Here is the one I wanted to submit...

Virgil - You wrote this disclaimer on the "hint" page: This story has struck nerves, unintentionally. It is based on a true story that happened over fifty years ago in a different time and culture. I intended this to be an interesting read, not a recommendation for solving marital problems.

For me this was a disturbing read, and I appreciated your disclaimer. When I read this I was reminded of headlines from the past. As I read I found myself wanting to cover my eyes, much like a person would do while watching a scary movie.

Yes, this was disturbing, but I it did not stop me from reading it to the end. You not only drew me in, but you caused an emotional response. You are definitely a talented writer.
08/30/10
Wow, what a firecracker!
Yes it's politically incorrect but it certainly conjures up the fiery hispanic temperament of your characters. Reminded me of what Proverbs says about knocking some sense into a fool.
Can you tell that I really liked your entry?
Not exactly a teaching lesson to emulate, but a masterfully told story, just the same.
agreed well-written but yikes. agreed it gives the reader the impulse to keep reading between the cracks of the fingers on their hand that flew up to cover their eyes.

not my cup of tea but it was well-written nonetheless.

one pink point... not sure now this ties in with Breathe.
oops. that's "how" it ties in. sorry.
*laughs* Oh man! I read all the comments first, and was expecting something much, much worse. It really wasn't that terrible, and your writing style was very good. I'm not sure how "true to life" this husband/wife relationship is, but it certainly was a surprise.
08/31/10
Different cultures are...different.

From the comments I, too, was expecting something worse. This is not the most violent piece I've ever read on FW, and I can actually see this very clearly in another culture.

That being said, one of the guidlines is we are supposed to write from a Christian worldview.

It was well written and I didn't find it mentally disturbing.
08/31/10
I like Stan's idea to get the
"little firecracker" saved:)
This was excellent writing...violence, crime,the uglinesses in life are a reality all about us that we hear and see in the news every day.It is only information; we can choose to pray about or do something about it, but we need the information as hard as it is to hear or see.