The Official Writing Challenge
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What a wonderful coming-of-age story. This one takes a second read to capture all the nuances. I love the mc's reaching out to God, and I think the last sentence is one of my favorites ever.
08/12/10
I have goose bumps now. Love this story:) I remember trying to touch the sky when I was young and now I strive to touch God - hands raised or lowered, He meets me where I am. I'm so glad!
This story could be the jumping off place (pun intended :-)) for a coming-of-age novel. Enjoyed it very much.
08/13/10
I liked the innocence of the MC and the easy talk between the brothers. The dialog sounded very authentic for their ages. The last sentence was perfect for this piece which I truly enjoyed.
08/16/10
Beautiful story, well-written and bittersweet. How sad that we lose that childlike wonder and belief we can do anything as we grow older.
08/16/10
"But touching the sky wasn't enough, anymore—not when I wanted to hold it."
A great liertary line. A perfect ending to an honest story. Great writing, a piece you take with you instead just of going on to the next thing in life and leaving it behind.
What makes the trampoline boring, as you grow older, is gravity. The limitations of life as a mere human. Superb. God Bless.
Is it in the opening of our eyes we see? Had it not been for the sounds, would he have then kept them closed - not compelled to open them - and then continued to soar. Arms held down soaring onward, upward. Distractions, such a nuisance, surely but a temporary detour from that one last bounce that would have made real the purpose of his efforts. Loved this and the way it was told. I was the boy on the trampoline soon to become the boy with the car.
08/16/10
Very nice instances of language usage--the 1st & last lines, "apex," "coupling," etc. I didn't personally think the interior dialogue (e.g. "dip-wad," "dummy")toward the beginning fit the tone of what followed--even though they were a child's thoughts. I agree w/ other comments that your story was nicely nuanced. Thank you! :)
You pulled me into the story with the very first word. I felt like it was a roller coaster of emotions. I enjoyed the part where the MC held his hands palms up to glorify the Lord. Well done.
08/16/10
I SO liked this story! Excellent writing: took me right in and kept me there, experiencing the highs and lows, and the hunger to touch God. No problems with your dialog--it was realistic. Excellent descriptions of ambiance and emotions. Wonderful!
I'm not sure I completely get the ending... but everyone else seems to so I guess I must just be tired. ;-) Otherwise I thought this was well done and enjoyed the internal and external dialogue.
08/17/10
Not to sound like an echo, but the nuances here are wonder, Lisa. Such simple language to express so much. Your writing always amazes me.
08/17/10
Your writing, as always, captivated me. I don't understand the purpose of the part about him watching his brother with the girl, or why he lost interest in the trampoline, but then you are such a deep person I may have to read this more than once to see everything. The voice is so smooth and natural, yet it speaks volumes in just a few words.
08/17/10
This line, "...letting you know summer, against all hope, had an end," in relation to your story, is why you are a master of the short story! Excellent everything!
I could read this ten times and find something new each time. I think we all have that moment in our lives when we realize we've slipped into a new chapter. Maybe like a book "Passages for children" by Gail Sheehy. LOL
08/17/10
I devoured this story and loved it. That final sentence was the perfect literary ending to piece that is more complex than it's surface suggests. Your instinct, skill and style leave me in awe. Every time.
08/17/10
Modern-day telling of 1 Cor. 13 vs 11
'When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.'
Smooth, Lisa. Thoughtful. Brilliant.

Mona
I was afraid the boy was going to get hurt on the trampoline-glad he did not!

Great story, kind of like Puff, the Magic Dragon.
08/18/10
What a joy it should be for one to attend church, and what a waste it would be to miss it growing up just because one gets bored. May all who are growing up find the correct way to keep in touch with God! A nicely written piece and a pleasant read.
08/18/10
I enjoyed this. The interaction between the brothers was fabulous. I liked the way the younger brother praised God in the pew by simply sitting, palms up. The others were right: there are so many growing up nuances in here. I'm a little saddened that the church had not "grown up" enough to have the Holy Spirit present in its worship and prevent its not-yet-adults from leaving out of sheer boredom.
Great job evoking the reminiscence of yesteryears in all of us. This was delightfully relaxing!
This is one of thos you read over and over to try to "catch" everything. Very creative and well written. Awesome again!
What great story about passion and purpose, and the honest reflection of growing up. Congratulations!
08/19/10
Congrats, Lisa! It's wonderful seeing this amazing entry on the EC list.
08/19/10
Ah, poor Lucas, but good voice for him. It's haunting and bittersweet at the same time. Nicely done! (oh and congrats!) ^_^
08/19/10
I was waiting for tragedy to strike, trouble to happen. The depth of your skill amazes me over and over again. Congrats on the EC, dear friend.
08/30/10
Glad I didn't miss this one. Excellent