The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 605 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/13/10
I was cringing as the MC went to give the leper girl a hug. I have a hard time just going to hospitals to visit someone. Thank God for the healing people He puts in our midst.
What a unique situation. I find it interesting that the MC's son was willing to do what the MC wasn't. Thank you for showing us how we can reach out to others, just as Jesus did.
08/18/10
I'd say this story has everything it needs. :) I love the lesson that the MC's father taught by his words of guidance and his actions. It reminds me of James where it says that if we see someone in need, we should not simply say "God bless you" and expect everything to be alright. We need to reach out and do something to help them.

Great job with showing that lesson here!
08/18/10
Excellent the way you established the physical location the MC was in. From the description of the coconut trees I immediately knew it had to be in a tropical climate. Good use of few words to paint pictures. I liked the words "shrill joyfully" when the children were offered candy.

Like the others have said, you have no big problems in this story. I found one error in verb tense. The first appearance of the playing children: "There were children playing outside with stones and string." You were using present tense and when this past tense verb crept in, I momentarily wondered if the children were not there now but had left evidence of their having been playing there. (The only reason I even included this was because you said you wanted red ink.)

Wonderful message. I don't know if I would hold back like your MC did or be the first to reach out. Touch was definitely a key part of your story.
08/18/10
Excellent title. You carried it through well. Wonderful message!
This is beautiful. It reminded me of the late 80s when AIDS first was out in the open. Even educated medical personnel were afraid to touch anyone infected. But God demands more of us.