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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Touch (the sense of touch) (08/05/10)

TITLE: Seeking That Spark
By Donna Emery
08/11/10


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His hands havenít changed.

But my feelings have.

The same person whose touch I sought and craved is now the one whose touch I avoid. Weíve been married ten years and although I still respect and admire him, Iím no longer in love with him. The changes in our lives over these ten years have eroded my feelings of all desire and romantic love. So, when his fingers brush gently against my skin, itís as Iíve been assaulted by an unwanted predator. I jump back; startled. I give an excuse about being too wrapped up in the book Iím reading. Because he trusts me and sees nothing but the love he thinks I still feel; he believes me.

When we first met, his touch gave me such a thrill. His touch connected me to his inner core; the goodness and sincerity that make him the man I so admire. Whenever I saw him, then, I ran joyously into his arms and reveled in his warm, comforting embrace. When we married, his intimate touch was so precious and special. Back then, I couldnít imagine ever not wanting that special touch; the one he kept only for me.

Yet, my feelings now are real. These years have changed both of us: inside and out. But itís not his appearance that repels me. And nothing in his personality has changed so drastically. Itís just that Iíve fallen out of love.

But, I made a vow; a promise to him and to God. I canít abandon him just because Iíve changed my mind and my feelings Ė especially because I donít know why I feel so differently. Thereís no one else. But those positive feelings that used to be ignited by the brush of his fingertips donít happen for me, any more.

Iím too young to be done with love forever. And heís a good man; thereís nothing that he did or said or has become that can account for my change of heart. I want to fall in love again Ėwith my own husband. I want to seek the touch of his hands.

Those hands of his: their touch has been nurturing, as they held our children - and skillful, as they fixed our plumbing. Their touch turns warm when they rub my tired muscles at night and cool when touching one of the kidsí fevered brows. Those hands have firmly clasped mine, in prayer, so many times; as we join together at the Throne of Grace. Heís heartily patted the backs of souls needing encouragement. His fingers dance over the keys of his computer. And his hands have been clenched, in pain, when his tired body has been working, too hard.

His hands are the hands of an honorable man. They are the hands of the man I love.

So, God, today, I pray: please change my heart and my mind. Let me receive his touch with joy, again; as I did, at the start of our marriage. Help me see my husband through Your eyes. Heal my selfishness and stubborn heart. Rekindle my heartís desire and let me renew my feelings of love. Let me do more than ďgo through the motionsĒ of our marriage.

So, that; the next time he touches me, it once again sends off sparks of joy.


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This article has been read 445 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Anita van der Elst08/12/10
This sure took me back to my own marriage about twenty years ago. Some of the things you wrote could've come from my own journal at the time. I'm grateful the Lord led me to wise counselors who helped me understand my own feelings and gain insight. I experienced falling in love all over again, with the man I married. Praise the Lord!

Excellent writing!
Charla Diehl 08/12/10
I believe many marriages go through dry spells. It's a choice to try to work things out or abandon the vows. Loved that you ended this with a heartfelt prayer. . .and God listens.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/19/10
You did an excellent job of describing how sometimes we get complacent in our marriage, but if he was worth marrying in the first place then he's worth fighting for.Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 30 overall.