Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Touch (the sense of touch) (08/05/10)

TITLE: The Hand Of Betrayal
By Sara Harricharan
08/11/10


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Running. Running. More running.

Everything blurred. Time, thought and hope. It was impossible to separate the reality of it. Light merged with night and everything became dark. I was running through the forest, but my senses had dulled. I couldn’t recall a single landmark.

I couldn’t hear leaves or sticks crunching beneath my feet, I couldn’t see the outlines or shadows of things lurking in the corners, I only felt the icy coldness of rain and the throbbing hiccup in my chest.

I refused to understand.

The ambush was sudden.

I understood helplessness in the moment Eldelrok threw me from the saddle. I saw the arrow pierce his left shoulder and blood stream down his face. I tasted fear, anger and hate. I felt the ground beneath my feet, the only unmoving thing as chaos swirled before me in the form of clashing swords and wild horses.

“Run, Princess!” Eldelrok whispered with his last breath, his grip on my wrist went slack. “Betrayed…”

Because he was my bodyguard, because I trusted his word, because I trusted him most, I ran.

There was no way to tell the right direction, but I only knew that I couldn’t stop running. Surely I would be followed.

Eldelrok’s touch lingered on my left wrist. My cold, wet, aching wrist. The wrist that would wield Kuroshan. The hand that could taste betrayal with a mere touch.

I ran until my legs gave out.

Then I crawled to the faintest sliver of something light. A cliff, in the middle of nowhere. I sat a few feet from the edge and waited.

Someone would come.

Someone always came.

The ambush replayed in my head and I remembered the words whispered at court. There was a leak, somewhere, but it excluded me. I was no one important. I had no authority, no power, nothing worth stealing away.

Someone had attempted to control my fate.

I shivered.

The magical rain was cold.

It made the disguise harder to bear. The rough fabrics of commoners’ clothes were strange and unfamiliar. The cheap accessories were worse. I missed my healing diamonds and heirloom comforts. Now, everything of me is unreal and illusory.

My ears ached.

The crashing footsteps drew nearer.
Galen.

“Milady!” The guard collapsed to the ground beside me, clutching my body close to his.

I let him, unable to resist. He was stronger. He was bigger. He knew me too well. I couldn’t breathe, but I tried. My hand touched him. I almost died. The truth was plainly told with my gift.

The scent of betrayal was heavy around him and his touch was the most telling of all. The hands around my neck and stomach were not shaking, cold or shy. They were strong, deliberate, and burning hot.

I felt every finger on my cold skin. His hands tightened as his lips touched my ear, a private word between us. “Princess?”

“Galen.” I gasped. “You came.” I pretended to cry. “G-galen!”

I could not escape his arms. From the folds of my commoners’ skirt, from the pocket on this mud-stained apron, my small, cold hands clenched tight around the icy hilt of the black-bladed knife.
Kuroshan. It would claim him tonight.

“It’s over?”

“Yes, your highness. It’s over.” He nuzzled my neck.

The touch of his lips was hotter than his hands. I felt the poison gathered within him. A touch that could kill. I should have noticed earlier.

If I was half the fool he though, then I would die.

But the for the sake of my country, my crown and my own foolish pride, I refused to die.

The knife cradled so carefully was pulled from the soaked fabric and thrust through his side with all my might. His betrayal was returned.

The magical backlash threw us apart.

His fingers loosened, his breath faded and his body fell to the ground.

I lay, captivated by fear and despair, inches away from the cliffside.

His sorcerer’s garb was plainly visible as the magic drained away from his body. The royal knife pinned him to the ground, draining away the power he used for evil. He would never crush our country with his darkness.

The rain stopped.

His dastardly deeds undone.

Another friend—no—enemy is gone.

His voice I will never hear. His scent I will forget. His burning touch gave him away.

I almost laughed.

My father will be happy.

Another betrayer of the crown died, while his princess lived on.

Perhaps it was necessary.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 517 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jeanne E Webster 08/13/10
A very lively story and I liked the intensity. Good interplay of action words and dialog.

You write good fiction, and I would love to read the rest of the story. Blessings. :)
Sarah Heywood08/13/10
Wow! Very, very well-done! I'd love to read the before-story, as well as to learn what happens next!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/14/10
I want to hear more of the story. I was confused here and there, but the suspense kept me reading longing to learn more until it all came together in my mind.
stanley Bednarz 08/15/10
The compostion of this story was pleasure to read. It just rolled off my tongue. Strong verb choices that also kept the story moving with simplicity and gravity.
Amy Michelle Wiley 08/16/10
Ooo, intense story and very creative. Well told! I especially liked the beginning parts.
Maria Egilsson 08/17/10
Scarletfury, I love this kind of fiction and I've missed reading genre of this type for awhile on the entriess so it was refreshing. A question though, I would imagine the gift to discern the touch of betrayal was a secret that the princess kept otherwise others would know that she could discern with a touch?
Really enjoyed this story and would love to read more.
Rachel Phelps08/17/10
Great fantasy! Loved all the elements you pulled in. Intense and fast-paced, but I connected to the characters as well. Awesome!
william price08/17/10
Wow, I like a meaty story. Action, intrigue a hidden meaning. Great job. God bless.
Amanda Brogan08/17/10
This is so well-written and well-planned that is simply must be part of a series! :) Although I almost felt in the end that the princess was nearly as evil as the betrayer. On the other hand, she did seem to struggle between her "duty" of ending his treachery and her connection to him as a "friend."
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/18/10
Great job with the suspense! I loved your exciting story.
AnneRene' Capp 08/18/10
More! More!...Need I say more?:)